100 and more ways to annoy Skipper
by TheSkySpiritsTalentShow
Summary: Got this from the PenguinsHQ. Featuring: AT, the penguins, lemurs, Marlene, Joey and Barry.
1. Chapter 1

A\N: I was reading "1oo ways to annoy Skipper" again, and I just had to make this! So enjoy! Btw, AT (me) will be in here a few times too…hope you don´t have anything against that! xP

"So, why did you call this meeting, AT?" Private asked. A couple of animals had gathered in the conference room, due to AT. They include Kowalski, Private, Rico, Marlene, Mort, Maurice, Julian, Joey and Barry.

"Well…I found this really cool game on PenguinsHQ, and just thought we could try it out."

"A game?" Julian immediately straightened up. "Of course I will be playing a game! Only if I´m being the winner of course!"

"It´s not that kind of game, Julian!"

"I have one question though," Marlene said. "Why isn´t Skipper here?"

"Because he´s the victim of the whole game!" AT said, grinning.

"Sorry, AT. But no. We won´t go against our leader." Kowalski stated firmly and was just about to leave with the others when the author stopped them.

"Wait no it´s not like that! Well, it might cause some trauma, but all we´re going to do is annoy him. The game is called ´100 (or more) ways to annoy Skipper´."

The penguins looked at each other.

"Well, I´m in!" Marlene said, maybe a little too enthusiastic. She earned strange looks from the team.

"Count Joey in, mates." The kangaroo muttered to everyone´s surprise. "Joey has nothing better to do anyway."

"Well, as long as you have the medical supplies to heal all nastiness, that may occur if I just happen to touch someone, I´m in too. But I won´t be responsible for any fatal injuries!"

"Don´t worry, Barry. I´m sure Alice has something in her office. Or the vet. I´ll get it afterwards." AT promised.

"We are totally doing this!" Julian exclaimed. "Uh, but your majesty-" Maurice started.

"Uh, no! I will have no buts from you mister!" Julian cut in. Mort started to giggle.

"Okay, everyone´s in except…" They all looked at the penguins.

The three traded looks till finally Kowalski sighed. "Alright…BUT if anyone asks, it was your idea!" He said. "Deal." AT agreed, then gave them all pieces of papers.

"These are the things you´ll be annoying Skipper with…let´s see how much he can take…"

A\N: Okay, that was the first chapter. So, yeah stick around! Btw, the "1oo ways to annoy Skipper" is from PenguinsHQ. I don´t own any ideas. :)


	2. Chapter 2

A\N: Thanks for the reviews! I didn´t expect that many on the first chapter! :)

**1)**** Randomly walk up to him and scream "THE FRENCH MEN! THEY´RE COMING TO TAKE OUR CROISSONTS!" and see what he does:**

Private ran up to Skipper, eyes wild. "Skippah!" He shouted. The leader turned around. "What is it, soldier?"

The other grabbed him. "THE FRENCH MEN! THEY´RE COMING TO TAKE OUR CROSISONTS!"

Skipper calmly pried the flippers off his shoulders. "Relax, Private. We don´t even eat croissants. Besides, there are plenty of those in the bakery. If you´re hungry, eat fish."

With that, he walked away.

**2) Go around telling everyone how he is BFFs with Julien.**

"SKIPPER AND KING JULIAN ARE BFFS!" Mort´s shout interrupted Skipper´s concentration on his card house.

His team suppressed some chuckles. Skipper wasn´t amused, but horrified as he scrambled out of their HQ. "NOT TRUE!"

**3) Follow him around and mimic everything – and I mean everything – he does. Claim you're his mini-me.**

"Men?" The team looked up from their card game. Skipper was rubbing his beak and behind him, Maurice was doing the same. "What Skippah?" Private asked, trying not to laugh.

"That´s the thing, I don´t know what…I feel like something´s different today…but I can´t seem to put my flipper on it." He scratched his beak. Maurice scratched his chin and mimicked the way he paced around, whilst talking.

Private snickered behind his flipper. Skipper immediately looked at him. "What´s the matter soldier?" He asked crossing his flippers. "N-nothing." The Brit said. "That´s not the answer what I´m looking for!"

His leader snapped, then pointed an accusing flipper at him. "Do you know what´s wrong with m-" He stopped when he felt something at his back. Apparently, Maurice had pointed a little too far and right into his back. The penguin jumped around and glared at the lemur.

"Mammal! Explain yourself!" Skipper demanded, crossing his flippers. Maurice crossed his arms and looked at him expectantly. "What?"

"What?"  
"I´m asking you!"  
"I´m asking _you_!"  
"Answer me first!"

"Answer _me_ first!"

"I command you to tell me what you´re doing here!"

"And _I´m_ commanding you to tell me what _you´re_ doing here!"

"I live here."

"I live here."

"No, you don't! You be-" Skipper began, near the end of his patience, when it slowly dawned on him. "Why are you imitating me?"

Maurice shrugged. "I´m your ´mini me´!"

**4) Have Julian fluff his pillow**:

"Goodnight everyone!" Private chirped happily. Skipper and Kowalski returned the greeting, Rico just snored in response.

Then silence filled the HQ. Until- "RINGTAIL!" Kowalski, Rico and Private jumped up, only to see Skipper on the floor, while Julian was bouncing his pillow on his booty. "What the deuce are you DOING?" Skipper growled angrily. "Duh! I´m fluffing up your pillow! The booty makes it very soft for sleeping on." Julian said, now rubbing his royal ´pillow-fluffer´ against the said object. Skipper made a face. "I am not sleeping on that!" "Yes you are!" The Katta told him, throwing the pillow back into the bunk and Skipper after it. "I was wasting prec-ious minutes from my royal beauty sleep to be helping you!" The king huffed, then jumped out. Skipper hesitated, then slowly crept into his bed and dusted his pillow off. "Don´t blame me if I have nightmares."

**5) ****When he finishes speeching about something – the unfairness of bullies or Julien's annoyingness, maybe – clap loudly, shout: "Bravo!" wipe away a fake tear and mumble: "Beautiful speech…"**

"Remember people! Anyone who enters a three miles radius in the secured area will be immediately blasted away by either Rico or the mines. Whichever comes first. We don´t take responsibility for any broken, de-attached limbs or dead bodies." Skipper finished. The rest of the zoo stared in horror. Before anyone could ask why they have deadly zones like that in training games, loud clapping filled the air. "BRAVO!" Marlene cried, jumping to her feet. "Well spoken, Skipper!" She pretended to wipe away some tears. "Really, your speech tonight has touched me in so many ways. Thank you!" Skipper looked bewildered at Kowalski. The optionist just shrugged.

**6) ****Hold your finger one inch away from him. Say: "I'm not touching you!" Repeat saying that until he snaps and tells you to stop not touching him. Poke him and run for your life.**

Skipper was just calmly flipping through weapon magazines, when suddenly a voice floated through the air, talking in an annoying pattern. "I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you!" He looked over to his side and almost had a heart-attack. Barry was sitting next to him, pretending to poke him, ´the finger´ only a few inches away from him. "B-Barry? What are you doing?" "I´m not touching you!" Skipper nodded, not wanting to tell Barry to hit the road, afraid that the poison dart frog will get mad and poke him.

"I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you…" The penguin twitched irritated. Barry was really grinding on his nerves but he kept quiet. For now. "I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touching you! I´m not touch-" "FOR HEAVEN´S SAKE! STOP NOT TOUCHING ME!" Barry poked him then hopped off, hearing a small thump when the stiff leader fell out of his chair.

A\N: That is all for now. xD I still need to get a few lyrics to continue. Anyway, review!


	3. Chapter 3

A\N: BTW, guys the ways to annoy Skipper are all on the PenguinsHQ, so I´m taking the ideas from there. Sorry, but no requests. xP

**7) When he´s being paranoid again, sing ´Always look at the bright side of life´:**

"Hey Skipper, whatcha doin´?" Marlene asked. The penguin was on top of the bell tower, writing on a sketchpad and glaring through binoculars. "Observing." "Observing what exactly?" "The lemurs…" Skipper pointed to the said habitat. Julian was standing underneath his throne, his face half covered in the shadows, watching Mort and Maurice walk back and forth, carrying something. Marlene face-palmed. "Skipper, they´re moving their coconuts to the other side of their habitat because the chimps are accidently dropping their poo on them." The flat headed penguin gave her a look. "You really expect me to believe that?" "Well, do you have another explanation?" The officer nodded. He looked back to the lemurs' habitat. "My guess is that those ´coconuts´ are actually smoke bombs that release deadly nerve gas. Once we´re out of the way, that psycho Ringtail is going to take over the zoo, then Manhattan, then New York City and finally, America! And this plan is perfect since no one would expect the ringtail to have the brains to do it. No one except me!" Marlene shook her head. Julian then turned toward his boom box and pressed ´play´. Immediately, tunes and notes floated through the air and reached the bell tower.

"_Some things in life are bad_

_They can really make you mad_

_Other things just make you swear and curse._

_When you're chewing on life's gristle_

_Don't grumble, give a whistle_

_And this'll help things turn out for the best..."_

Then Marlene started singing with the singer.

"_And...always look on the bright side of life... _

_Always look on the light side of life... _

_For life is quite absurd_

_And death's the final word_

_You must always face the curtain with a bow._

_Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin_

_Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow._

_So always look on the bright side of death _

_Just before you draw your terminal breath _

_Life's a piece of junk_

_When you look at it_

_Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true._

_You'll see it's all a show_

_Keep 'em laughing as you go_

_And...always look on the bright side of life... _

_Always look on the light side of life... "_

She finished and the lemurs turned the radio off. The otter started to laugh when she saw Skipper´s stunned face.

"Very funny." The penguin growled before packing his stuff and sliding back to his HQ.

***8) ****Make random references to a book or movie whenever you feel like doing so:**

The penguins were relaxing in their HQ. Rico and Private were reading comics, Kowalski was propped up against the wall with a pillow while typing stuff into his new calculator and Skipper was reading the newspaper while sipping coffee.

"Skippah," Private said suddenly, looking up from his comic. Skipper glanced at the rookie. "What?" "Suit up!" The Brit declared then went back to reading.

Skipper looked at him weirdly, but said nothing and went back to his newspaper.

Silence filled the air once again, before getting interrupted by Kowalski´s startled gasp. "Heffalumps and Woozles! This equation might be the key!"

He started scribbling away on his notepad.

His officer rolled his eyes at his lieutenant's excitement. "My car!" Rico gasped, pointing to a page. "That´s fabulous, Rico!" Private responded, then added, "I´m fabulous!"

"Team, can you be a little quieter with your projects? I´m trying to re-"

Someone knocked on the door three times. "Skipper." Three more knocks. "Skipper!" Three _more_ knocks. "Skipper!"

"I´m coming Marlene!" Skipper stood up and the door. The otter stood there, holding two plates. "Have a Cheese ´n´ Weiner! Or a puppy-in-blanket! They´re on sale this week!" "Uhm, no thank you…" Skipper stepped back. "Is that blood on the Wieners?"

Marlene looked at it then smiled. "Yes, only a tiny bit from my left arm!"

The penguin gagged.

"What the Hades? You put blood on there?" Private asked, looking as green as his leader.

"Yes, just a little though!"

"Uhm, look Marlene. I´m sure Julian would LOVE to try some…why don´t you just head over to his habitat?"

"Of course! Oh and Skipper?"

"What?"

"I challenge you to a duel for kicking me out!" The otter slammed the door shut.

Skipper sank back into his chair, rubbing away a coming headache. "Team, go out and get some snow cones. I need some rest."

"Sure, Skippah!" The team left and the officer decided to lay down in his bunk to rest.

"RINGTAIL!" The Katta flew out of Skipper´s bunk.

"Fine! If you prefer a feathery pillow instead of a royal one!"

"Get…out…!"

**9) ****Feel free to interrupt any important moment with a Star Wars moment like telling him with the same voice as Darth Vader told Luke he was his father: "Skipper, I'm your daughter/son!" If he stares at you and asks who the deuce your mother is – and if you're feeling courageous – choose one of the following… or more, if you want: "Marlene / Kitka / Lola / Private / Rico / Kowalski / Julien / Maurice / Mort or… Alice.":**

"Move out men! A city tour bus is under attack by some crazy Hoboken fugitives! I want Kowalski and Rico on the front line. Private, you´re coming with me. Stay within shouting distance!"

"Yes Sir!"

Suddenly the door burst open and AT stumbled in. "Skipper!"

"Not now, AT! We´re on a tight schedule to catch up with the tour bus."

"No, I have to tell you something really important!" The author panted and fell down in front of him, grabbing his chest feathers.

"Well…make it quick!"

"Skipper…I´m your daughter!"

"…"

Apparently the tour bus was forgotten as the penguin stared at her in pure shock and horror.

"…Who _the deuce_ is your mother?"

"Blowhole."

Immediately Skipper could feel the others look at him in disgust.

"Haha, very funny. Now, if you will excuse us, we have to rescue some New York citizens." The officer shoved her away then signaled his team to move out.

"You never denied it!" AT shouted after him.

**10) If he's asking for options and Kowalski's not present – if he is, knock him aside – and jump up and down, waving your hand in the air as if you're in class. Yell: "Oooh, I know, I know! Pick me!" If he does choose you, stare blankly at him for about three seconds and mumble: "I forgot…":**

"Kowalski, I´m gonna need some effective options on how to shut down the zoo. The last thing that we need is a zombie invasion. So, options!" Just as Kowalski opened his mouth to reply, Rico pushed him aside, waving his flipper in the air. "Me! I kno! Pick me!" Skipper looked between his genius lieutenant and his psycho weapon experts. Then he sighed. "Fine, Rico, but if you suggest that we eliminate the zoo so the zombies can´t get to them, then I won´t ask you again. So what are your options?" "…" The scarred penguin stared at Skipper blankly. "Uhm…I fo´got." He mumbled finally. "Kowalski?" The scientist stood up and rubbed his head. "Well, I _had_ some! But when _somebody_ roughly shoved me into the wall, I failed to remember." "Ugh! Private? Options?"

A\N: That´s chapter three. I´ll try to make them longer. ^^ FOUR DAYS TILL SCHOOL! DDX *The TV shows\books in the order they appeared in: how i met you mother, Winnie the Pooh, Penguins of Madagascar, High School Musical 2, The Big Bang Theory, Heroes of Olympus book 2, Clue (the book series) Review! xD


	4. Chapter 4

A\N: Yes, writer´s blocks even strike the simple stories. xP Anyway, we have one special guest appearance. X)

**11) Convince everyone in the zoo (except from Skipper) that it's hippie-day and they all should dress up like hippies and when Skipper sees it, say 'You don't know how to have fun' over and over again to him:**

At first his day started off like a pleasant dream. He woke up fine, he had fine breakfast and he felt fine. Except that his team weren´t here. But Kowalski had written a note and told him they were topside. They couldn´t be training, because today was their day off.

Then Skipper decided to make a fatal mistake and go out. That´s where his ´dream´ turned into a nightmare.

Hippies! Everywhere! The whole zoo was decorated with rainbows, flowers and peace signs. "Is this some bad joke?" Skipper asked himself, horrified.

"Of course not, man!" A thick accented voice said beside him. Julian looked worse than the zoo could ever look like. He had ´skillfully´ put on make-up, making him look like a child´s painting left out in the rain. He had tattoos drawn all over his body, and waaaaay too many necklaces, bracelets and rings on. He even wore long grass skirt and a huge tie-dyed shirt. The penguin had to remind himself to breathe.

Julian smirked as the penguin tried not to look horrified. Then he frowned. "Where is your costume?"

"Hey Skipper!"

Said bird turned and stared. Marlene was holding flowers and paper hearts. Her large, silver peace necklace swayed when she walked and her tie-dye headband hung loosely over her scalp. Her smiled quickly faded though. "Where´s your outfit?" She asked.

Skipper gripped his head, his eyes squeezed shut. "No! No no no, this can´t be true! I´m only dreaming. That´s it. This is all just a nightmare."

"Happy friends day!" Mort shouted. The penguin carefully opened an eye and screamed when he saw just how the little mouse lemur prepared himself for ´friends day´. He ran past them, jumped over the wall and slid off.

Everywhere he looked were flowers, hearts, peace signs, animals hugging, dancing, music was playing…

Then he saw _them. _Private´s purple lunacorn shirt looked like a little dress on him. Rico and Mrs Perky were holding hand\flipper and were kissing. Kowalski was chatting with Maurice, both enjoying a pink smoothie.

The image was enough to burn the leader´s eyes.

"ARGH!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at Skipper.

"Oh hey, Skippah! Universal peace to you!" Private called and smiled. "Would you like a lunacorn cookie?"

"I would!" Burt called and sucked up the cookies, getting pink-and-purple crumbs all over his face.

"THIS IS WRONG! EVERYONE TAKE OFF THOSE HIDEOUS COSTUMES _NOW_!"

Everyone stared. Then glared.

"You just don´t know how to have fun." Marlene told him and marched off.

"You´re definitely no fun, mate!" Joey grumbled and hopped off, Leonard in his pouch with a smoothie.

"Seriously, Skippah!" Private said, disappointment clearly reflecting off his tone.

Kowalski walked away with Rico, who was still clutching Mrs Perky.

Skipper shook his head. He needed to get back to the hippie-free HQ, take some aspirins and have a nice long nap.

**12) Call him a chicken:**

"Hello Mr Chicken!" A young, annoying voice said. Skipper looked up from his newspaper. "Hi, Sad Eyes…" He said, a bit irritated from being called a chicken.

"I´m hungry!" The furry mammal said. "And you want me to do what exactly?" "Lay an egg and make amulet!" "What?!"

Mort seemed to think about it. "Oh wait! King Julian told me you needed a girlfriend to lay an egg… I´ll be right back!" He scurried off.

Skipper stared after him for about five seconds, before shrugging and going back to reading.

"Here, Mr Chicken! I have brought you your girlfriend! Now you can be laying eggs and making me an amulet!"

"First, its omelet and second," The penguin looked up and almost leapt out of his feathers. "Sweet Mother MacArthur! Marlene!"

"What´s going on, Skipper?" The otter asked, totally bewildered.

"Mr Chicken is needing you to be laying an egg!" Mort told her helpfully.

"Wh-what? N-no!" The penguin sputtered. Marlene turned just as red.

"…I didn´t know you wanted to start a family." She said, raising an eyebrow.

"I-I d-DON´T! Sad Eyes just wants to eat some eggs. And he-"

"No, no, it´s okay, Skipper." The girl smirked. "So, your place or my place?"

The other´s shocked azure eyes stared at her, before she burst out laughing.

"Just kidding!"

Skipper groaned.

"So…will you make eggs?" Mort asked hopefully and got a _´love-kick´_ from Skipper.

**13) ****Bring unauthorized personal on a mission:**

Skipper turned. He wanted to make sure that all of his team members were behind him. They did NOT need another repeat of last Saturday. Four words: Whipped cream, Officer X.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Then frowned. "Kowalski!"

"Yes sir?" The lieutenant straightened up with the call of his name.

"Who´s the fifth head?"

Kowalski turned to look behind them.

A girl stood behind Private, holding on to Rico´s unlit dynamite sticks.

The scientist turned back to his leader.

"I believe that kind of specie is called a female, the opposite of males. A female is the opposite gender of us boys, with strange attraction to boys with muscles, music and shopping, where they go and buys stuff. Also-"

"_Kowalski_," Skipper cut in impatiently. "I know _what_ a girl is. I want to know _why_ she is here."

"Oh. For that particular question, I don´t know."

"Alright, then we´ll have to find out my way. You, rookie right there!"

"Me?" Private asked.

"No, the one beside you!"

"Yes?" The girl asked innocently.

The leader frowned. A most likely sign for trouble.

"Who are you and why are you messing up our mission?"

"I´m SweetPanda12 and I´m not messing up your mission. Rico invited me."

"Rico?"

"Wha?"

"Why did you invite a strange female?"

"She…uhhh…is my gi´lf´end?"

Out of the blue, a glaring Mrs Perky doll flew over and hit Rico on the head.

Skipper narrowed his eyes at them. "Why did you bring your girlfriend to our top secret missions?"

"To annoy you?" SweetPanda12 offered.

"Shhh!" Rico hushed her.

"Alright, on second, thought, I don´t want to know. Get your girlfriend outta here, we don´t need to watch an extra body."

Rico saluted then walked away with SweetPanda.

**14) Feel free to interrupt any important moment to declare Skipper's afraid of needles:**

"Alright, everyone. Don´t panic! We´ve got this under control!" Skipper said, his voice echoing from the dark.

Rico turned on the flashlight. In the dim light, everything was casted in spooky shadows.

Julian immediately dove down to hide behind his right-hand-man. Mort cowered behind his king.

"Another black-out?" Marlene grumbled.

"Yes and another space squid." The lead penguin said without thinking.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing…that point is, we can´t let panic and _certain lemur kings_ make a mountain out of a molehill."

"Pfft, silly penguin! You can´t even fit a mountain in a mole! And who would be so stupid-y to walk around with a Mt. Kilimanjaro* on their face?" Julian shook his head, as if he couldn´t believe that Skipper could be so stupid. The penguin chose wisely to ignore him.

"Anyway, here´s the game plan for tonight. Everyone who has batteries, flashlights or torches will-"

"Hey everybody!" Private suddenly called. The whole zoo looked at him.

"What is it, young Private?" The commanding officer asked.

"Skippah´s deathly afraid of needles! He´d run from any doctor with a shot in his hand!" The small penguin declared.

"…"

Skipper stared at his youngest recruit.

Some of the others snickered, some gave him a confused look like; ´why are you bringing this up now?´

The Brit confirmed his statement with a nod. "Mh-hmm, he even ran away from us when we tried to get him to the vet. It´s Skippah´s greatest fear."

With that, Private grabbed a suitcase from underneath the counter and slid away before Skipper could un-freeze and kill him.

**15) Steal his coffee cup:**

"Ahhhhh…nothing more beautiful than watching the sunrise with a good cup of joe." Skipper sighed as he watched the glowing orange ball rise over his city, lighting up the world and bathing everything in a carroty shade.

Suddenly a shadow fell over him.

The leader tensed immediately and spun around, ready to attack.

Maybe Joey dealt with flat-headed short penguins all the time, or the bird didn´t really look threatening with the coffee cup in his left flipper.

Whatever the case, the Australian inhabitant kicked the penguin over, ripped his coffee cup from his flipper and bounced off, yelling:

"Joey got your coffee cup and he ain´t giving it back!"

Skipper slid after him.

"Joey! What the deuce, kangaroo? What do you want with my cup?"

The other just bounced over his fence and let the penguin chase him pointlessly around.

Finally, Skipper collapses with exhaustion.

Joey jumped over to him with a grin.

"Nothin like a good ole game of tag before breakfast, eh mate?"

He slapped the other´s back and dropped the cup.

Skipper grabbed it and held it close to his feathery chest.

"No…one…steals…_my_…cup…" he panted, hugging it even tighter.

**16) Hug him. Claim it´s the hug-the-first-person-you-see day:**

"SKIPPY!" Skipper could only do so much as look up before AT had picked him up and hugged him tightly.

"Ack! AT, what are you doing?!"

"Hugging you."

"I can _feel_ _that_!" The penguin pushed himself away from her.

"Let go of me!"

The other dropped him onto the ground.

"Don´t be so dense, Skippy, it´s the hug-the-first-person-you-see-day! Oh! You saw me first, so you get to hug me!"

Before the penguin could slide away, he was engulfed in another author hug.

**17) Say "Why?" after every order he gives:**

"Rise and shine boys!" The familiar voice called through the HQ, shaking the penguins out of their dreams.

"Why?" Rico asked, holding back a yawn.

"We have a lot of work to do today, so I want you all topside in ten minutes sharp!"

"Why?" Private said, rubbing his eyes, then looking at his leader innocently.

"Because I said so." The officer replied, looking a bit irritated from the questioning.

After breakfast came the next order.

"As every athlete and trainees know, you always have to warm up before you exercise."

"Why?"

"Kowalski, you out of all people should know that. Especially with all random science facts."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

The genius shrugged.

"Can I continue?" Skipper asked, glaring.

"Yes sir!" All three said in unison.

"Good…anyway, drop and give me fifty!"

"Why?" Came the response in a chorus.

"Because I´m your commanding officer!"

The others dropped and did 50 pushups.

"Next exercise, everyone, into the pool of water and twenty laps…GO!"

"Why?"

"Because…because…UGH! Kowalski, you do the exercises then!"

"Why?" The scientist asked innocently.

Skipper scared him with his famous death-glare.

"I-I meant, f-fine, sir." Kowalski faced Private and Rico and continued to lead them throughout the exercises, without dealing with a single, ´why?´

**18) Buy him a pair of bunny slippers. Act offended when he doesn´t wear them:**

"Look Skipper!" Maurice raced in, looking quite giddy.

"Whoa there, lemur. What´s all this racket?"

"I bought you something!" The aye-aye held up a pair of pink, fluffy bunny slippers.

Skipper jumped back, his face masked with horror.

"Ar-aren´t those the r-rabbits from the pe-petting zoo?" He asked.

Maurice studied them thoughtfully.

"Yes…now that you mentioned it, they do seem familiar. But no, those are really cute bunnies!"

"Well…thanks lemur…I´ll set them right here." The penguin put them besides his bunk and was just about to go outside when Maurice stopped him.

"Aren´t you going to wear them?"

"Maybe later, I´m about to go outside for border patrol."

"Exactly! You can wear them outside so everyone can see them!"

"But-!"

"I brought them just for you, Skipper. You could at least wear them."

(couple of minutes later)

Skipper walked down the zoo paths, his head low.

"Nice shoes!" Someone snickered from the left.

A\N: &) *Since Julian lived in Africa I thought that if he would talk about a mountain that it would be that one.. ;) Anyway, R&R!

Mort: Why?

Oh shut up.

Mort: Why?

Bye! ")


	5. Chapter 5

A\N: Nr 23 happens after the hippie-day and the surprised visit of Sweetpanda12. Also, I gave Rico the ability to speak fluently, just in case anyone was wondering. X) One more thing, I said that earlier, but I don´t take request. Exception: If anyone wants to make a guest appearance.

**19) ****While he's sleeping, put with lip gloss in his face "I'm of flat headed":**

"Kowalski, is he asleep?" Private whispered. Kowalski sprayed a whiff of Julian´s hairspray near the other penguin´s beak. Skipper muttered something about dumb mammals and turned around, facing his team.

"Yeah, he´s asleep." The scientist confirmed.

Rico gagged up some lip gloss they had borrowed from Marlene and began writing on his face, Kowalski directing him. Finally it was all done.

The team quickly sat down round the table and began playing cards.

Skipper shouldn´t suspect anything when he woke up.

They were playing the fourth game when the penguin finally stirred.

"Good evening, Skippah!" Private greeted him cheerfully.

"Mhmm…" was the only response. The penguin dragged himself out of his bunk bed, still half-asleep. He cracked a eye half open to see what his team was doing.

They were looking at him, somewhat amused, but other than that, just playing cards.

"Rico, make me some," a heavy yawn interrupted Skipper, before he continued, "some coffee, I need to wake up…"

"Yes sir!"

Cold water. That would help him wake up. He waddled over to the bathroom and raises his head to the mirror.

Being still rather drowsy, his brain didn´t connect to good.

The lip gloss did seem to bother him, but he rubbed it away with a towel half-consciously.

Then he splashed some cold water on his face and strode out of the bathroom for that cup of coffee.

**20) ****Tap him on the shoulder and when he turns, squirt him in the eye with a water pistol. Run:**

A tap on Skipper´s shoulder got him whirling around. "WHAT?!" He yelled. Before he could even get an answer, a cold squirt of water splashed into his eye. While he stumbled back and cursed, he could hear someone hopping away in small, light hops.

**21) Play loud music& 22) Invite Dr. Blowhole for a no-penguins party in his HQ**

Nothing like some good loud beats while you´re having a migraine. Skipper sat at his table, suffering under some Taylor Swift. He tapped his foot impatiently underneath the table, hoping that the ending would come soon, till he noticed he was tapping with the music. Irritated with himself, the penguin stood up and walked over to the door, popping some aspirins tablets into his beak. He opened the door and saw Dr. Blowhole swaying around the room and a twelve year old girl hanging up posters of Taylor Swift, puppies and Blowhole. "Get lost, peng-u-in!" Blowhole yelled over the music. "This is a no-peng-u-ins-allowed party!" "This is MY HQ!" Skipper yelled back. Then he pointed at the girl. "And who the deuce is that?" "Angel!" The girl yelled, trying to speak louder than Taylor. "Aka DrBlowholeluv!" The fish said with a grin. Then he glared at the writer for calling him a fish. "GET OUT OF MY HQ!" The penguin shouted angrily. Angel and Blowhole looked at each other, then rolled their eyes and walked out. "Learn to have some fun!" Angel told him. Skipper watched them leave, then glowered at the boom box. "And you too!" He said and kicked it over, causing the cable to jerk out. Silence filled the room. The leader sighed gratefully and walked away, ripping a poster of Dr. Blowhole zapping him on the way out.

**23) Call him flathead (written by Sweetpanda12 and TheSkySpiritsTalentShow):**

After the hippie and unauthorized personnel incident, Skipper was more paranoid than usual. As he stirred his fish coffee, he heard a voice: "So flat head, what´s up?" Skipper looked around, but the only things he saw were AT listening to her iPod, Rico reading his magazine, Private watching the Lunacorns and Kowalski was in his lab somewhere, making an invention that would certainly blow up sooner or later. The leader felt silly doing this, but he cleared his throat. "Who just called me flat head?" He demanded to know. Only his men looked up. "It wasn´t me, Skippah." Private said. "Or me." Rico went back to his action magazine. "Hey, flat head! I´m talking to you!" Skipper growled irritated. "Who´s talking?!" "Well, you horizontal-headed bird, if you would just turn around." The penguin did and took a few steps back. "You again?" He groaned. "Rico! Get your girlfriend or whoever she is out of my HQ! She´s a girl and she´s a mammal, so OUT!" Sweetpanda12 narrowed her eyes at him. "Listen up, flat head…your team may or may not tolerant that tone, but don´t you___dare _to use that tone with me. Understood?" Skipper was just about to fire a comment back, when suddenly he just slumped backwards onto his chair. "Just…get…out." He sighed, rubbing his aching temples. "Skippah, are you okay?" Private asked. "Yeah, I´m fine. Just had a hard week." He looked up. Sweetpanda12 studied his face for a second, before her normal grin came back. "Alright, Kowalski? Here´s the book you wanted. Don´t hurry in bringing it back!" She tossed him her physic books then headed out.

**24) When he comes home late, march his way and start screaming like an over concerned mother:**

"Hey team!" Skipper flipped down the ladder, panting hard while brushing at the mud caked in his feathers. "Sorry I´m late for dinner, I was chasing a-" "SKIPPER ALFRED FISHBONES!" A shout interrupt him. The leader cringed a bit of hearing his full name like his mother used to yell whenever he was in trouble. He turned around to see Marlene marching up to him, a dark frown on her face. "Skipper Alfred Fishbones," She said again. "Where the fish _were _you? You know how worried I was? Blowhole could´ve gotten you! Or you could´ve gotten lost in the dark!" Skipper looked surprised. "Well, thanks for caring so much about me, but first, the bottle-nose is a Coney Island amnesiac and-" The otter put her paw over his beak. "Enough with these fairytales! I told you to be here by eight-thirty and it´s ten-fifty now! I want you in bed in thirty minutes and you are grounded for a week!" The others tried not to laugh as he stared at her. "But mom- I mean, Marlene! I-" He shook his head clear and straightened up. "Marlene, I have to ask you to go back to your habitat. My men and I don´t have time for this!" "Two weeks!" "Marlene! I´m not going to repeat myself!" "Don´t use that tone on me, young man!" She grabbed his flipper and pulled him towards his bunk. Skipper was tempted to shout at her, but that would just put him in a bad light. And he did respect his mother. "Fine!" He growled and climbed into bed. Marlene nodded approvingly and kissed the top of his head. "Sweet dreams!" She climbed back up the ladder, leaving a blushing penguin and three laughing ones behind.

**25) If he steps into the HQ, glare at him and come up with very stupid questions to find out if he´s an imposter:**

Ringtail+Mission= Failed Mission. Failed Mission+Skipper= Bad mood and tiredness. The penguin just wanted to sit in his quiet, empty HQ, without dealing with annoying lemurs or fanatic visitors. He jumped down the hatch. Rico was painting his girlfriend, singing quietly to her. The sight made the other smile a bit and he took a step forward. Instantly, Rico swung around and point a bazooka at him. "Who are you?" He demanded to know. "Rico, stand down! It´s me Skipper." Rico gave him a sharp look. "How do you know if you´re not an imposter?" "Because that´s silly! No one has ever cloned me before. Now put away your toy and let me pass!" The other penguin demanded. "Be quiet, you´re in no position to order me around!" The weapon experts snarled. "If you really are the real Skipper…how many parents do you have?" "Classified." Skipper answered bitterly. Rico still didn´t seem convinced. "What´s Skipper´s favorite snow-cone sort?" "Classified." "Who was his first crush?" "Classified." "Who is your trainer?" "Classified." "What happened to Manfredi and Johnson?" "Classified." "Who is his favorite trainee?" "Classified." "Where was he born?" "Classified." The scarred penguin scanned his face for any lies, then put his flipper on the trigger. For a scary moment, Skipper thought he was going to shoot. Then, "I´m going to ask you one more question about him. If you get this one wrong, I´ll kill you…what´s his name?" "Classified." Rico smiled and lowered the flame thrower. After giving his officer a salute, he went back to drawing while Skipper swallowed some sleeping pills and crashed in his bunk.

**26) While he´s sleeping, dress him up like a hippie and when he wakes up, either scream "HIPPIE!" or make a peace sign at him and say, "Yeah! The 60s will never die! Peace out, Skippy!" **

She wasn´t supposed to be here according to her mom, Alice and Skipper. But all of them were sleeping…actually any sane human\penguin would be asleep at this time of night. SweetPanda crept silently down into the HQ, where Private was waiting for her. "Hi SweetPanda12!" He greeted her, then held up some clothes. "Here, I got them!" "Great! Let´s hurry then before he wakes up!" The two quickly pulled a tie-dye shirt over the other´s head, gave him a wig with long, braided hair and a golden peace necklace.

The next morning, Skipper was just about to wake up his crew for another day when…

"HIPPIE!"

Skipper turned around and got into a fighting stance, only to be greeted by a familiar silhouette.

"Heya flat head," grinned Sweetpanded12

"Let´s get some training done."

**27) Dye your hair, wear colored contact lenses and run up to him while he´s around a lot of other people. Say: "You thought you could get away with not having to pay child support, eh? What about little Anita and little Tony that´s coming along? If you think you´re letting me have YOUR kid without you there, you have another thing coming!" Drag him away with you:**

"´Something isn´t right!´ I decided. So I sneaked the opposite way, only to find-" Skipper paused. His listeners leaned forward. "To find what?!" Marlene asked impatiently. "The bodies of the general and the cook." Skipper finished with a smug grin as everyone around him gasped. "Really? Ewww!" "No way! Why the cook?" "I knew it!" "SKIPPER!" Everyone turned around to see a disguised AT. All she did really was dye her hair, put on contact lenses and a plain dress, but no one expect Skipper seemed to recognize her. "Who is that?" Marlene asked. "AT, if you mind, I´m telling them a stor-HEY!" She picked him up and glared at him. "You thought you could get away with not having to pay child support? What about Anita and little Tony that´s coming along?! If you think you´re letting me have YOUR kid without you there, you have another thing coming!" Skipper stared at her before struggling against her hold. "No! Let me go!" "Not a chance!" He pecked at her hand, making AT drop him at first, but then the other just grabbed his flipper and dragged him off, the penguin struggling and shouting. The others just stood around in awkward silence before Private called after them: "Congratulations, Skippah!"

**28) Interrupt any important moment by getting down on one knee and ask him to marry you. Watch his face twist in horror and prepare to run for your life:**

"Alright, we´ll corner them at exactly 1400 pm. Any questions?" Skipper scanned his team. Private shyly raised his flipper. "The private has a question. Yes?" The small penguin shuffled forward, then dropped on one knee, placing his machine gun beside him.

"Skippah, you light up my life. Every day when I see you, my heart beats faster and my beak has to smile. You are perfect in every way possible. Every time I would face a fight I would think of you. You are my shining star and I always want to be close to you. Skippah Alfred Fishbone…will you please marry me?" Private took out a tiny box out of his feathers. Kowalski didn´t know whenever to run to Private´s aid or Skipper´s, whose face was getting paler by the second. Then all of the sudden, Private jumped up and ran back into the line. He saluted his leader who finally recovered and glared at him. "Young rookie, would you want to sit this mission out?" "No sir!" "Good…so are there any more questions?" "No sir!" They all replied in union. "Let´s roll then!" And they did.

**A\N: And that´s it! For now. ;) Review please and let me know if I have to change or add something! Please criticize if you have to! &)**


	6. Chapter 6

**29) Pretend it´s Ignore-Skipper day. If he gets mad, pretend nothing happened:**

"Good evening everyone!" Skipper said festively. The entire zoo had gathered for Game Night. No one responded and continued to talk to their conversation partner. The penguin looked a little irritated but shrugged it off as a lack of hearing. "So, Marlene, what do you have planned for tonight? Hopefully no more city raids." He chuckled. The otter kept her back to him and never broke off her last-Tuesday-night convo with itsallolapalooza. The leader frowned, then got an idea. He slid over to Private and said, "Soldier! Status report of the first five minutes!" The Brit jumped slightly, but didn´t respond, even though he grew very nervous. "PRIVATE!" Skipper yelled, causing everyone to stop and look at him. Private winced and turned around sharply with a salute. "Yes sir?" "Why are you ignoring me?" His commanding officer demanded. "I-I´m not ignoring you." The other said meekly. "You are, in fact everyone in this room is!" "No one´s ignoring you, Skippykins." Itsallolapalooza said. Maybe it was just a trick of the light, but it seemed like the author was trying not to smile. "Maybe you should just talk a bit louder." Skipper groaned and waved a dismissive fin. Everyone turned away and continued their activities. "Either I´m going crazy, or they´re up to something." Skipper muttered to himself, before raising his voice again. "So, who´s in charge of getting snacks tonight?" No one answered.

**30) Spill coffee on his head:**

"Okay, do you have any experience with animals?" Kowalski asked.

"Well, yeah. I have a dog, I collect snail shells, I love animals and llamas!" The genius nodded and wrote it down on his clipboard.

"So, Bml1997, you want to be a recruit in our team?"

"Sure, Skippy!"

"Don´t call me that!"

Bml1997 shrugged and accidently spilled some of her morning coffee onto his head. Hot, sticky morning coffee.

The penguin scowled.

"Sorry." The other said and turned to Kowalski to answer his next question.

Skipper got a wet washcloth and began cleaning his head.

"Do you eat meat?"

"I´m a vegetarian! Eating meat, that´s like eating my dog!" In her excitement, she moved her hand, causing more coffee to spill on the flathead of the penguin below her. Now his washcloth was dirty and so were his feathers. _Again_.

"Bml1997, could you please-"

"Huh?" She turned around quickly, spilling the last of her drink over the officer.

Skipper glared at her.

"Oh sorry, Skippy!"

"I told you not to call me that! And PLEASE finish your breakfast BEFORE you come here for a job application, alright? I´m out for a swim." The penguin slid off.

"Excuse him." Private said. "He just had some bad days."

**31) Laugh and call him chubby:**

The penguins were doing their normal cute and cuddly routine when some sudden giggling broke their concentration.

A group of kids were sitting on the bench, giggling and pointing at Skipper.

"What´s going on?" The penguin whispered to Kowalski.

"I have no idea, sir."

"Did someone put a sign on my back? Or something on my face?"

The penguin was getting more irritated by the second.

"No, sir! They´re laughing without any reason!"

Then one of the girls stood up and held up her phone.

"What are you doing?" Her friend asked.

"I wanted to take a picture of that chubby penguin there!" She pointed to Skipper.

"Uh-oh." Rico gasped and the team took couple of steps back.

Skipper glared hard at the girl. "What did you just say?" He asked through a clenched beak.

"Hey, you should upload it on Facebook with the caption, ´New York´s chubbiest penguin´."

"I´M MUSCULAR, NOT CHUBBY!" Skipper yelled and attacked the kids.

It took Kowalski, Rico and Alice to drag him back into his habitat.

Skipper remained snappy for the rest of that day.

**32) Ask him: "Skipper, are you called ´Skipper´ cuz you´re good at skipping? Like, skipping down the hall, skipping classes, skipping ropes?"**

"Skipper, I have a question." walked over to said penguin, who barely looked up from the newspaper. "Okay. What is it?"  
"Why are you called Skipper?"

He looked up surprised. "Why am I called Skipper?"

"Yeah."

Skipper put his newspaper down. "Well, I haven´t really thought about it."

"Is it because you´re good at skipping? Like, skipping down the hall, skipping classes, skipping rope?" She asked innocently.

"What? No! Maybe my father wanted a military term or it´s becuz my mother had me on a ship. I don´t know, but it´s certainly not because I skip-rope!"

just smiled. "Suuure it´s not…skipping-skippy."

**33)**** Put him and Marlene on a tree and sing "SKIPPER AND MARLENE SITTIN' IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!". **

"Skipper?" The penguin officer looked up at the sound of his name. "Yeah, what´s up Angel?"

"I can´t free my kite out of the tree!" She said.

"And you want me to get it out."

"Yes please."

He sighed and swung himself onto a branch. "Alright where is your kite?"

"Hey Skipper!" Marlene appeared next to him so sudden, that Skipper almost punched her.

"Whoa, Marlene! What are you doing, sneaking up like that?"

"What are you doing, trying to punch a girl?"

"That´s called action and reaction."

"Well, because of you, I scarped my check against the bark." She showed the rubbed area.

Skipper forgot about the kite and stepped closer. "Sorry, Marlene. Here, let me take a look at that." He stepped even closer so he could examine her cheek.

Angel got tired of waiting, so she stepped up to the tree and looked up. "Skipper, have you finally-" She stopped or a second before exclaiming (rather loudly): "Skipper and Marlene are making out!"

The two on the tree turned around immediately. "What are we doing?!"

"He was just examining my cheek!"

But Angel wasn´t listening anymore, but filming the whole incident with her phone. "Skipper and Marlene sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

**34) Pour glue all over the HQ´s floor. Tell him there´s an intruder and watch him get stuck:**

"SKIPPER!" Cheycartoongirl8 burst into the meeting of the zoo animals. Everyone jumped up.

"Sk-skipp-per." The girl gasped for breath as she dragged herself over to the officer.

"Chey, talk to me! What happened?"

"I-is happening…I saw so-someone break o-open the hatch of your H-HQ. Y-you have an intruder in your he-headquarters."

Skipper left her panting on the floor and raced out of the door.

"An intruder?" Private asked, holding out a flipper to pull the human up.

"Yes." Chey stood up normally and grinned. "An invasion of glue bottles." She placed five empty, liquid glue bottles on top of the counter."

"He is going to kill you." Marlene said, shaking her head.

"I know. Let´s all go out and get snow cones!"

That´s what they did. And that´s exactly why there was no one there to hear Skipper´s angry shouts or\ and help him out.

**A\N: Alright, sorry for the delay, but I´ve been either busy with other things, or just dried out of any inspiration. Thanks! ")**


	7. Chapter 7

A\N: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! I tried writing on two computers and they both broke down! Dx So here´s a long chapter for you guys. Thanks for still reading!

**35) Hook him up for a sleepover with King Julian:**

"Are you excited, Skippah?" Private asked his leader on evening.

"Hm. Depends."

"On what?"

"On the situation. Right now, I feel rather cozy and content. Not excited."

Private nodded and went into the kitchen where he packed a package of marshmallows into a duffel bag.

Skipper put his survival book down and gave his rookie a look. "Soldier, explain yourself."

Private looked up surprised. "Well, okay. I thought you´d be excited about the sleepover."

"What sleepover?"

"Your sleepover. With Julian."

"What?!" Skipper jumped up. "I did not invite the Ringtail to anything, much less alone a sleepover!"

"Of course not, I did it for you." Private sounded surprised, as if it was more than normal for someone to hook up his best friend and his rival for a sleepover.

Skipper shook his head and went back to his reading.

**36) Use his head as a coffee table:**

"PENGUINS! EMERGENCY!" Julian screamed.

The four feathered agents were immediately there. "Where is it burning, Ringtail?" Skipper asked.

"No where! But my coffee table is broken~!" The king wailed.

Skipper face-palmed. "That´s why you got us out here? Idiot!"

Private, on the other wing, was more helpful. He got some glue from Rico´s stomach and tried to glue the table back together. "Maybe, if we put this piece with this piece together…like a puzzle!"

"I like puzzles!" Mort exclaimed as he sat down to help.

"Do you even drink coffee?" Kowalski asked. Julian plus caffeine means end of the world and so far the world was still standing.

"No. I want to start just before my coffee table broke. How can I drink coffee without a place to put down my royal mug and plate of cookies? Huh? Tell me that, Mr Smarty Flippers!"

The Katta sank down, cradling his mug.

Skipper sighed. As annoying as the king was, he was a big baby. And they always need a little attention. "Look, Julian. We´ll get you another one, alright?"

Julian looked up. "Really?"

"Sure, I-"

"Oh yes! This one is fitting for the king!" He jumped up and seemed to look at a new table.

Skipper turned, confused. What was he looking at? Then he felt a hot ceramic mug being put on his head, and once again he wondered why the Katta wasn´t already famous for the world´s dumbest lemur.

"Not my head!" The penguin growled.

"But it´s perfect!" Julian put the plate of cookies next to the cup. "I am liking it."

Skipper grabbed Kowalski´s flipper and pulled him close. "Kowalski?"

"Sir?"

"Get me a new coffee table with a lot of sparkles. And be quick about it!"

"Yes sir!" He and Rico slid away.

Till they got back with a better table, Skipper had to sit in front of Julian, and listening to his annoying rantings about himself.

**37) Throw confetti into his eyes and sing, "Happy Birthday to you!"**

One quiet Monday morning…

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU~!" Skipper shot up from his bed.

"What…who?" He turned to glare down the disturber, when his world became colorful…with confetti…in his face. The penguin fell out of his bunk, towards the bone-shattering floor, but starfire207 caught him in time. "Happy Birthday, Skippy!" She sang.  
"I know!" He snapped. "You made that quite clear. But it´s not my birthday! I was born in June."

"How would you know that, there´s no June in Antarctica!"

"I just know." He picked at the colorful circles stuck on his tongue. "Ew."

"Wait! I almost forgot! I have a birthday card for you!" Starfire dropped him and rummaged through her pockets. "Here."

The ´birthday card´ was a dirty old piece of bark, with a poem on it:

_From dust we come, to dust we´ll return. Enjoy your birthdays while you´re still fully formed._

**38) Throw a snowball at him and when he turns around, point to whosever next to you:**

"Five points if you can hit that trash can over there!" Rynn Wolfe said.

Private took a step back and threw his snowball. It landed perfectly in the middle of that can.

"Two points for the bike!"

SPLAT! The bike got a cold, fluffy shower.

"Ten for those icicles!" Private gave Rynn the snowball. "Okay…" She leaned back a little to gain more power and speed. Unfortunately, at the same time, Skipper chose to interrupt.

"Rynn! Private! Time to go-" The rest of the sentence was muffled by snow.

The commanding officer spat the cold snow onto the ground and glared at them.

"Oops. Sorry, I-" Rynn started. But when those hard blue eyes landed on her, all she could do was swallow hard and point to Private.

"Sorry Skippah…" The Brit apologized not realizing he´d just apologized for his friend´s crime too.

"Next time, be careful!" Skipper snapped and headed back in.

**39) Snap him in his cowboy costume:**

_Dead Daisy Town was the safest town around. Villains came and went, but none could steal even a worthless cent. For it was very well guarded, by a hardened, handsome, young sheriff. Wing on gun and ring on flipper, at your service, sheriff Skipper…_

The penguin tipped his hat towards the mirror and smirked casually. No bad guy would dare to attack him. Just by his steel gaze and powerful look, they´d cover in fear.

**Click…**_**FLASH!**_

The brave sheriff yelped and pulled his gun. "Who are you?!" He shouted in the direction the blinding flash went off.

"I´m Alexis, your mean sister!" A voice toned out.

Skipper rubbed his eyes with his flippers, trying to get the spots away. "Nice try, enemy! I don´t have a sister!"

"Alright you got me. I´m Dr. Blowhole, your worst enemy! Hahaha!"

The other pulled his flippers away. "Alexis? What are-What are you doing in my lair during my secret time!" His voice switched from surprise to anger.

Alexis studied the picture on display. "You mean your dream time. And why do you keep denying you have a sister? Especially when you have _two_!"

"I like to go through life forgetting that fact. And it´s not my dream time! I-I have to practice for…when I´m in foreign countries and have to be someone else."

"Well…I guess I have to throw this away then to my_ other _blackmail pictures, oh hardened, handsome sheriff."

Skipper nodded. "Sure, go do that. And don´t interrupt me again!"

Alexis walked away, shaking her head at her brother. He seriously didn´t get it. Well, good for her anyway, cuz she kept her diary with her blackmail pictures.

Skipper went back to his ´practice´. It wasn´t after he had lassoed a few of the bowling-pin brothers till he realized what his sister had hinted at.

"Wait a minute. _Other _blackmail pictures!?"

**40) Constantly take food from his refrigerator:**

"Team! No eating before dinner! I´m making dinner tonight!"

"Urggghhh!"

"Noooooo!"

The leader chose to ignore the others´ horrified groans.

He opened the refrigerator and looked inside. The next moment he had jumped away, his own horrific face on.

A bright colored frog jumped around their food supplies, nibbling on food, tossing them into two piles: an "Eat" pile and a "Leave behind" pile.

Finally Skipper found his voice again. "B-B-Barry! What are you doing in our refrigerator!?"

"What does it look like I´m doing? I´m eating out."

"You can´t eat out in our home! It´s not a restaurant!"

"Tell that to your refrigerator!" The poison dart frog continued throwing foods in heaps.

Skipper faced-palmed. "Private! Can you come here real quick? Our refrigerator has a problem and needs a nice, _patient _penguin!"

**41) "I know about your secret passion for Furbies!"**

"So, when the sea lion charged at me, I grabbed it by the tail and slammed it into the ice." Skipper paused, letting the girl he was flirting with scoot closer fearful of the rest of the story.

"As soon as he recovered, he dove into the water and went swimming for his sea-lion mommy!"

"Oh! Wow, Skipper, you´re so brave!" The female penguin, Kathy, scooted closer and batted her eyes shyly.

"Well, I try." Skipper joked.

"So…I´ve heard you have a team of penguins almost as brave as you."

"Well, they are pretty brave…but like you said, _almost as brave_ as me."

…

"I hate it when he´s flirting with girls." Private said, glaring at the couple.

"Yea! Suddenly he´z Mr Pe´fekt!" Rico agreed, kicking a pebble.

Marlene gave them a sympathizing look. "I feel with you guys." Then she grinned. "How about this? Watch!" She stood up.

"HEY SKIPPER!"

Both Kathy and Skipper looked over.

"Sorry…she´s my…crazy aunt." He apologized.

Kathy stared at him in awe. "You have an aunt who is an otter? I do too!"

"SKIPPER!" Marlene called again. "I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR SECRET PASSION FOR FURBIES!"

Skipper turned red and opened his beak to deny it.

Kathy though cut him off with a giggle. "You like Furbies? Oh my gosh, Skipper that´s so childish!"

"Wait a minute! I don´t like Furbies! I don´t even know what Furbies are!"

Kathy grabbed her ice purse and waddled away, still laughing. "See ya, Furbie boy."

A\N: Okay, maybe not _that_ long, but long**er**. XD Okay, I promise that I will update soon. If I don´t, you´ll know Skipper blew up my computer. Review please! And if you want to appear in a chapter, please say so. xD


	8. Chapter 8

A\N: HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! xD I know I´m late but I was trying to finish my TD chapter. I haven´t updated it since two months. DX

**42) Run into the HQ, totally panicked, grab him and yell, "THEY´RE AFTER ME!" When he asks who´s after you, smile lazily, let go of him and say, "Just kidding!" and skip off:**

Skipper was enjoying a nice day with playing cards with his team. Especially becuz he was winning. Kowalski frowned down at his cards.

"I don´t get this game. Could someone explain it to me?" Private asked.

No one offered his help.

"Fine!" Private snapped and took out his iPhone to check the web.

"HELP! THEY´RE AFTER ME!"

Skipper threw his cards up into the air as his eardrum burst. "SMOKED SALMON!" He clamped his flippers over his ear holes. Then he turned and glared at the offender who had yelled into his ear hole.

It was Sneha, a Kirby with short curly hair on her right side and red feet and blush. She was armed with a sword and her white eyes were wide with alarm.

"THEYRE COMING FOR ME!" Sneha cried. She grabbed Skipper and shook him violently.

"S-S, wh-wh-who i-is af-af-after y-yo-you?!"

The Kirby stopped shaking him and suddenly the panic expression was replaced with a casual grin. She let go of him. "Just kidding!" She sang and skipped out of the HQ.

"Skip-" Private began.

"Soldier, shut up. Everyone shut up!" Skipper slid off to cool his head the pool.

**43) Tell him that you´ll love him and squeeze him and call him George:**

"Hey Skippy!" The penguin had barely enough time to see who addressed him when a pair of arms wrapped around him.

"Hey Marlene. What´s up?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to visit my favorite penguin, that´s all."

Skipper tried not to blush and shrugged causally. "Alright."

"Oh Skipper…" Marlene turned him around and hugged him again. "I shall love you and squeeze you forever!"

"Wh-what?" Skipper freed himself from her grasp and began cleaning off the card table. He needed to do something or else he´ll embarrass himself to death by stammering and staring.

Marlene giggled at his blush and patted his head. "I´ll take care of you now, George."

Skipper shook his head clear and tried for his best stern look. "George?!"

"Yes, that´s your name now. Like it or not. Alright, stay here, George, I´ll be right back with your favorite fish pie!" Marlene kissed his cheek and disappeared outside.

The penguin sank to the ground in a sitting position, replaying the scene in his head over and over again, trying to make sense of what just happened.

**44) Whenever you look at him, cover your eyes and go, "IT BURNS!"**

"Something isn´t right here." Skipper said, studying his team.

They all stood attention, hoping that he wasn´t going to find a ridiculous fault at them and punish them ridiculously.

"What´s wrong, Skippah?" Private finally asked, not able to take the tension any longer.

"AHA!" Skipper turned and pointed at the penguin. "There´s the problem right there."

He pointed at the Brit´s sunglasses.

"What´s wrong with these sunglasses?"

"They can hinder you from seeing important details in battle soldier, that´s what."

"Hi guys!" SweetPanda12 and Marlene walked in.

"Hello ladies." Skipper greeted them back. "Do you mind, we´re in the middle of training."

"Actually-" Marlene started, but her friend suddenly cut her off by a loud shriek.

"NO! Stop! Go away!" Panda dove for cover.

The penguins got into a fighting stance.

"Wat´s wrong?" Rico asked the girl who was hiding behind him.

"I saw something terrible…it made my eyes burn." She rubbed her eyes and made a face.

"Well, I don´t see anything." Skipper said.

Panda looked up, then screamed and buried her face in Rico´s feathers.

"IT BURNS!"

"Kowalski, analysis."

The genius just shrugged and bit back his laughter.

Skipper walked over to the girl. "Panda."

She opened her eyes to look at him.

"BURNING!"

"WHAT IS?" Skipper shouted back. If this was another one of these jokes people have been playing on him the entire week, he´ll-

Private took off his sunglasses. "I don´t see what´s so…O. ! IT´S BURNING MY EYES TOO!"

"THAT´S ENOUGH!" The leader yelled, but between the screaming and laughing from the others, no one heard him.

Nor did they hear the door slam and the stress ball explode.

**45) Insist on entering a room before him and announcing him grandly and ridiculously. With fake trumpet sound:**

"Wait, Skipper!" Kowalski slid in front of his leader and put a flipper out to stop him.

"What do you want, Kowalski?" After the last episode, Skipper didn´t feel like another stupid joke.

"I want to go in before you. You know, to tell everyone it´s time to stop talking so you don´t have to yell over their noises."

"Thanks."

The genius walked in. "Attention everyone!"

No one bothered to look at him.

"ATTENTION!"

Still nothing.

"Cotton candy!"

Everyone stopped talking and turned to him. "What?"

Kowalski cleared his throat. "Listen, animals big and small. Today, we have the great honor of a special penguin gracing us with his presence. He´s feared by many, penguins and seals. His step is more majestic than a lion´s walk. His feathers gleam brighter than a star. His eyes are as deep as the deepest ocean. His beak is perfectly shaped, fully formed. His words are as crisp as a gunshot and they speak truth, more or less.

His gaze is as clear as an eagle´s eye and no mistake escapes him."

If the animals hadn´t been laughing and making fun of Kowalski then, they were now.

"Are you talking about Skipper, Kowalski?" Maurice asked.

"He´s even more gayer than me!" Julian laughed.

"Ahem!" Kowalski cleared his throat. "May I continue?! As I was saying-"

"That´s enough, Kowalski." Skipper said from behind him.

Kowalski turned around, smiling at his leader and taking a deep bow. "Applause everyone! For the one and only Skipper!"

A few zoosters applauded, most of them just laughed.

"Thank you, soldier."

Kowalski nodded. "It´s an honour sir."

Skipper patted his shoulder. "After this meeting, I want to talk to you about your sexuality."

**46) Tell him you got him life insurance. Grin**

**And**

**47) "Hey, if you die, do I get something good?"**

"Hey, Skippy?"

Said penguin looked up annoyed from his newspaper. "What is it, Ivy?"

"Oh nothing really…" The authoress said, coming closer to him and sitting across of him. "I was just wondering…"

Skipper put down his newspaper. "No I will not tell you what happened to Manfredi and Johnson. Drop the subject already!"

"Okay, different question."

"Denmark is also classified!"

"What about-"

"No, I do not have a sister."

"If you die, do I get something good?"

That question caught Skipper off-guard. "Wh-what?"

"If you die-"

"I heard you," Skipper fiddled with the newspaper. "I guess you can get free access to my hidden files and I have left a will for my friends, family and team mates. Why?"

Ivy shrugged. "Well, I got you life insurance." She grinned.

Skipper´s eyes widened.

"Have a good day, Skippy!" Ivy skipped out of the HQ.

Skipper shook himself out of a trance and quickly got a flamethrower to pay him company for the rest of the day.

**48) ****Jump on him and go: "Raah! I'm the Kraken! Fear me and my bad breath!" Pause. Then jump off him and run away while mumbling (quite loudly): "Ooooh, his breath is worse…"**

Skipper wasn´t expecting being jumped on by a kangaroo, much less was he expecting being insulted by the Kraken.

He suddenly found himself squashed into the pavement.

´I´m being attacked!´ It shot through his head. The penguin tried to get up, but the other´s body weighed him down.

"Raaah! RAAAHHH! I´m the Kraken! Fear me and my bad breath, mate!"

"Joey?" Skipper tried to twist away. "Get off me!"

Joey looked like he might refuse, but then suddenly the aggression melted off his face and a disgusted, slightly startled look appeared on his face. He jumped off the penguin and walked away, muttering, "Ooohh, his breath is much worse."

Skipper stared after him.

"What in the name of Johnson´s petunia is his problem? WHAT´S EVERYONE´S PROBLEM?" He yelled into peaceful afternoon.


	9. Chapter 9

**A\N: Thank you for reviewing and reading!**

**Also, I forgot about one author who was sticking around for another two chapters! DX **

**49) Pretend he´s pregnant:**

"Hi brother." Alexis walked out of Kowalski´s lab to where her little brother was putting away some poker cards.

Skipper looked up and gave her a half smile. "Hey Alexis. How´s the genius with saving the environment?"

"Not good. His polys*-recycler keeps spitting out wrenches and nails." She sighed. "Now he´s banging his head against it."

Skipper chuckled. Typical Kowalski.

"By the way, congratulations!" His sister suddenly exclaimed, giving him a hug.

"With what?"

"Oh Skippy." The older girl held him away a little to proudly examine his face. "I never thought I´d see the day when you would finally start a family. I´m so happy for you!" She hugged him again. Gently, as to not hurt the baby.

"WHAT the fish are you TALKING ABOUT?!" Skipper wrenched himself free from her grasp to glare at her. "Have you gone total nuts?"

Alexis ignored his outburst and laughed. "This is so wonderful! I´ll be an aunt! And Hans will be part of our family now! He´ll make such a good father!"

"Get out before I slap you silly!" Skipper growled through his clenched beak.

"Sure, just don´t start eating chocolate pudding with mustard." With a pat on his head, Alexis was gone.

Skipper took several deep breaths. "Calm down Skipper…just calm down…you´re a commanding officer…she´s was just joking around…calm down…" He forced on a smile and tried whistling whilst cleaning.

**50) [ALREADY?! 0.0] ****Ask the following questions (preferably in this order): "Hey Skipper? Why's the sky blue?", "Hey Skipper, why is grass green?", "Skipper, why won't you answer my questions?", "Hey Skipper, why are you angry?":**

"Isn´t this a lovely picnic?" Private sighed happily. He and the other penguins, plus Marlene and Ivy were sitting in the park, having a picnic in a human-deserted area.

Rico was too busy to answer. He had his mind on other things, like pouring sticky lemonade into a mouse hole.

"It sure is, young Private." Skipper answered, opening another can of sardines.

"Skipper?" Ivy started, pulling out some grass blades.

Marlene, who had gone feral again, ran up to said girl and dropped a wet, slimy stick on her lap.

"Eww! No, don´t do that, Marley!"

The otter stopped panting and gave her a ´throw-the-stick-please´ look.

Ivy picked it up, trying not to be too grossed out, and threw it away.

While a howling Marlene ran after it…

"What did you want to ask me, Ivy?" Skipper asked.

"Why is the sky blue?" The girl wondered, looking up at the clear blue sky with puffy white clouds.

Skipper didn´t look amused. "Very funny, Ivy."

"And the grass…why is it so pretty and green? Why isn´t it purple?"

Skipper took another bite out of his sardine sandwich.

"And this grey pebble? Why isn´t it neon pink? What made this world be like this?"

"…"

"Hey, Skipper, why aren´t you answering my question?!"

"Ivy, shut up!"

"What did I do wrong? Why are you always so angry? I´m a young genius exploring the world, alright?"

"No, you´re just pissing me off!"

"Exactly! Young genius exploring the world!"

Skipper didn´t have the time or nerves to answer, partly because Marlene jumped on his back and proceeded to lick his face.

**51) ****Do the Macarena and try to make him join in. "C'mon, Skipper! No, not like that! Quit being a stick-in-the-mud, c'mon! Don't stand with your flippers crossed and don't look like you ate a slug! No, this dance is not called the 'Macaroni'…"**

"Hey Skipper!"

The penguin looked up from his fish. "What do you want?!" He snapped.

TheBlackandGoodNinja, (we´ll just call you Ninja ;), pulled a pout. "What did I do wrong?"

The other sighed. "Nothing…it´s just that everybody who wanted to ´talk´ to me ends up…ugh, forget it."

"I understand, Skippy." Ninja sat down next to him and patted his shoulder. "That´s why I thought you could use a little something to relax."

"Well, thanks…

"Be right back!" Ninja jumped up and ran into the other room, only to come back with a big boom box.

"What in the name of-"

"We´re going to dance the Macarena!" The girl shouted and turned on the music.

"No way!" Skipper pressed his flippers over his ear-holes to keep out the music.

"Come on, Skipper! Phoebe´s doing it too!"

The penguin crossed his wings and glared at her.

"No, not like that! Quit being a stick in the mud! And don´t stand there with your flippers crossed, looking like you just ate a slug!"

"I´m outta here!" Skipper turned around and walked out. "I´m not going to dance the Macaroni!"

"It´s called the Macarena!" Ninja yelled after him.

**52) Dirty something up after he cleaned it:**

"There…" Skipper smiled satisfied and leaned back on his broom. The room was glowing with cleanness. Now all he has to do is to lock all entrances before Ringtail finds a way in and dirties everything again.

He gathered his cleaning supplies and went into the other room to put everything away.

As he opened a cupboard to put the cleaning sprays in, he heard the fishbowl being opened.

He was about to shout to whoever was out there to be careful, when he heard yelling and sounds of something going **SPLAT!**

The penguin slid out and almost had a heart attack right there. His teammates, AT, Julian, Angel and Mort were all chasing each other in the HQ…covered in mud.

Skipper face-palmed and took some deep breaths to calm himself.

_´Just calm down, Skipper…calm down…no matter how bad you want to kill them, you´ve act reasonable…like the mature commanding officer you are…´_

"SKIPPA! BE GETTING OUT OF MY WAY!" Julian yelled before he crashed into him with full speed.

"STOP!" Skipper shouted. Everyone froze.

The leader exhaled loudly, before glaring at the group. "I had enough of all this! Everyone´s gone crazy here in the zoo! I´m going away for some time." He said

"But Skippah!" Private started, but his leader interrupted him.

"No buts! Enough is enough! I am going to stay with my friend Christian over at the Bronx Zoo for a few days!"

"Alright, have fun!" AT said, before pushing Kowalski across the floor.

Skipper opened his beak to say something, but then closed it again and walked away to pack.

**53) Just huggle him and don´t let go:**

"I really wish you wouldn´t leave, Skipper." Angel said, handing Skipper his backpack.

"I´m coming back! I just need a break from everything! Besides; I´m starting to think that everyone turned against me. A definite sign I´m overworked."

Angel sighed. "I understand that." She came closer and gave him a hug.

Skipper tensed, before slowly returning it. He was suspicious of a hug…he really needed a break!

**Five minutes later…**

"Angel…you can let go now…"

**Ten minutes later…**

"Angel! I really have to go now!" He tried to pry loose from her, but she was holding on too tightly. Plan B, everyone: He grabbed a matchbox from his feathers.

**2 minutes later…**

Skipper slid off, steaming. Literally.

Angel stood up and wiped the soot off her face. "BYE SKIPPY!" She yelled, waving.

**A\N: Well, that´s all I can make right now. xP But thanks for tuning in and stay awesome! BTW, it´s not over yet. They will be finding a way to annoy him over at the Bronx Zoo too. xP**

**One more thing, I´m going away for a little more than a week in about one week, so I won´t be uploading any chapters then. xP**

***polys means ´many´ in Greek**


	10. Chapter 10

**A\N: Sorry for taking long, but I was in Italy (!) and my computer wouldn´t let me write. xP**

**But now I´m back with a new chapter!**

**Btw, I imagine the Bronx Zoo with a lot more technology and freedom than the Central Park Zoo (like having cell phones and TVs in their habitats and being able to wander around more freely)**

**I made these animals up on the spot, jsyk.**

**Guest Stars:**

**Alexis **_**(AikoSuzuki1900)**_

**Panda **_**(SweetPanda12)**_

**Christian **_**(Christ´s Disciple)**_

**-88-**

**54) Wear a ring-tailed Lemur outfit and sing "I like to move it, move it."**

"Alright…sure, I´ll do it…no prob. Bye." Maxwell grinned eagerly. Skipper, his old military friend was coming for a visit since he was having some trouble back home. So he called the little, brown weasel and told him he needed a vacation. Maxwell put the cell phone back on his stone table.

Kowalski had just called. He said that the zoo was pranking Skipper and had asked him to participate as long as the other Bronx zoosters. After giving the weasel a few ideas, he hung up.

Speaking of Max, said mammal glanced at the clock. The penguin would be here in about ten minutes.

Maxwell opened his costume closet and began searching around it.

He had it here somewhere…perfect!

The weasel pulled out a lemur costume and grinned.

**-88-**

Skipper arrived at the Bronx Zoo ten minutes later. He walked through the pathways and was greeted all around from old friends and friendly strangers.

He wondered for moment why he didn´t visit them sooner. Then again, it had been kinda stressful with training and the missions in the CPZ.

All the stress from the last few days melted off him and he smiled.

Skipper knocked on the glass barrier and waited.

A moment later, he heard a rustle.

"Maxwe-!" He began, but stopped short. Instead of seeing his companion, he saw an all too familiar-

"Ringtail! What are you doing here?!"

"Si, it is I, Ringtail…uhm, and I will be singing you a song and dancing…as a very hot welcome." Maxwell tried his best King Julian voice.

Skipper relaxed and smiled. "Hey there Maxwell. You had me worried for a second-"

Maxwell leapt forward, planning a perfect jump where he lands next to Skipper, shushes him and starts singing and dancing. In reality, he jumped, tripped and ended up hitting Skipper right in the face.

"Ow, Maxwell! What the fish are you doing?"

Sudden music started and, not wanting to look like a total idiot with his face in the concrete, Maxwell jumped up and started dancing.

"I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it! Physically fit. Physically fit! Physically, Physically, Physically fit!" He sang weakly, trying to ignore the throbbing in his face.

Instead of getting annoyed, Skipper shook his head amused and laughed. "Come on, let´s go clean up at your place."

**55) ****Fill up a bucket with water. When he sits down, walk behind him, turn the bucket upside down over his head and go: "Whoops!":**

Bronx Zoo was exactly how Skipper remembered and expected it. Nice, calm, peaceful…much better than Hoboken and not as busy as Central Park Zoo.

He spent his first day meeting all the animals and looking around. Maxwell had told him about a penguin pool east of the Zoo´s souvenir shop.

That´s where the leader penguin was now. It was a huge pool of water with rocks and other play-things the humans had put in there. Turns out there weren´t only penguins there but many other animals, including Maxwell and his girlfriend, Liola the kind-hearted flamingo.

Speaking of the weasel, he walked up to his friend and put an arm around the penguin´s shoulders.

"Hey listen, Skipps…I was thinking…"

"That´s never good news." Skipper joked.

Maxwell steered him to the edge of the pool and pointed at a ´B´ shaped rock in the middle of the water. All around it sat pretty, young penguin chics (girls), laughing and talking, dangling their feet in the water.

"I understand that you´re a single, lonely guy…" The brown weasel continued.

"Uh…well…" The commanding officer couldn´t keep the blush form spreading across his feathers. He _was _single, but that doesn´t mean that he didn´t have his eye out for a particularly beautiful, sweet otter girl.

Maxwell raised his brows at this.

"You got a girlfriend?"

"No…"

"Perfect, go talk to them."

"I don´t know, Max."

"Oh come on, you´ll do fine. Just go with the flow."

Max said and pushed Skipper into the water and shouted, "HEY GURLS! MY FRIEND HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!"

All of them looked over, just as Skipper surfaced.

He was burning red and searching frantically for an excuse.

"Um…NICE FEATHERS!" He yelled at them and turned away, climbing out of the water to find that jerk face weasel. He heard giggling behind him and blushed deeper.

-88-

"Maxwell!" Skipper stormed the grassy area, but his friend waved him away. He was too busy eating chocolate-covered strawberries with Liola.

Skipper huffed and sat down on a warm, sunny rock and let his feathers dry.

They finally stopped clinging to him like wet rags and began feeling fluffy and nice again when all of the sudden, it started raining in buckets.

Skipper jumped up and accidently knocked the bucket out of the girl´s flippers.

"What the-…?!" He spun around and glared.

A penguin girl was standing behind him, a grin hidden behind a guilty look plastered on her face.

"Sorry ´bout that, I thought you could need a little cooling off." She apologized.

Skipper furrowed his brows. Something…something about her seemed familiar. He shook it off. It´s not like Panda or Alexis or anyone else of these crazy authors would follow him here, _just _to annoy him.

"I was actually trying to get dry." He explained.

"Whoops, sorry." She said again and grinned.

"Don´t worry about it…er, what´s your name?"

"Pa-Peggy. My name is Peggy." The girl shook flippers with him.

"Nice to meet you, I´m Skipper."

Peggy bent over and grabbed the bucket. "Well, see you around, Skippy." She smiled and walked away.

The other penguin watched her walk away from the corner of his eyes. Something was off about this girl. He would have to be careful.

**56) Climb into his lap and demand a bedtime story. Be childish about it:**

The day came to an end and everyone was getting ready for bed.

The zookeepers locked up the zoo after checking on the animals, then went home.

Bronx became quiet, except for constant chattering of crickets and night active animal moving around in their habitats.

´At least Ringtail isn´t here with his annoying boom-box.´ Skipper thought happily. He could hear Maxwell cursing the martens next door for their noisy scurrying around their cave, but Skipper assured him that there was worse.

Just as the penguin was about to head over to his weasel-made bunk-bed, the phone rang.

Liola picked it up. "Hello?…yes, of course, he´s right here next to me…hold on," She gave the phone to the officer. "Skipper, it´s for you."

"Thanks…hello?"

"Skipper!" A familiar voice responded from the other end. It was Marlene.

"Hey, Marlene." He smiled.

"Skipper, I´m just getting ready for bed."

"Me too."

"Can you tell me a bedtime story so I can fall asleep better~?"

"What?"

"Can you tell me a-"

"I heard you the first time!" Skipper growled, annoyed already. Was she serious or just playing around again?

"…Skipper?"

"What?"

"Should I help you pick out a bedtime story for me?"

He could hear shuffling of feet and blankets in the background.

"I´m not telling you a story. I´m tired, Marley."

"But Skippa!"

"No buts. Go to sleep." He demanded, but in a softer voice now.

"I´m not going to sleep before I get a story! My father always told me a story before bed. Pleeeeaaaassseee Skipper~? Please?"

Skipper sighed and closed his eyes. He could see Marlene making puppy eyes at him and his willpower crashed.

"Fine!" He snapped. "There was once a cute little otter who always wanted a bedtime story. So every night her parents told her one until she fell asleep. One day her begging was too much and her friend the penguin taught her how to read so she could read whole books without having to keep anyone from their precious sleep. So she learned how to read and never called anyone for a bedtime story again. She lived happily ever after. The end."

Marlene´s chuckle toned in his ear. "Thanks, Skipper. Next time try doing it with less sarcasm."

"Next time ask Private." He returned. "Goodnight Marley."

"Night Skipper."

**57) Ask if you can go as him for Halloween **

**And**

**58) **** Learn Morse code and talk to him entirely in beeps.**

**And**

**59) Say: "Hey Skipper!" until he responds. Then say: "Nothing!" Repeat:**

"Skipper, can you help Liola with picking up the kids?" Maxwell asked.

His wife´s job was watching kids in Day Care **(is it called Day Care or Day School?).**

The penguin didn´t really have anything better to do than to read a boring newspaper article about a serial killer who suffocates his victims with whipped cream, so he agreed to help.

Skipper met Liola at the entrance to the Reptile House. A bunch of children from all species were hopping, flying or bouncing around her, talking or chasing each other.

"Hello Skipper!" The flamingo waved him over, a grateful smile plastered on her face. "I´m sorry to pull you out here like this, but I really need help."

"It´s no problem."

The kids were gathered and they started walking towards the fences, to bring the first kids home.

Skipper was walking with a group of kids around him, a little puffin girl holding onto his flipper and skipping next to him, saying, "Hey Skipper. Hey Skipper. Hey Skipper."

"What?" The leader asked.

"Nothing!" She chirped cheerfully, then returned to her singing. "Hey Skipper, hey Skipper, hey Skipper, hey Skipper!"

"Do you want something or-"

"Hey Skipper?"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing!" She laughed and the other kids thought it would be fun to try it out too.

"Hey Skipper?" They said.

Skipper turned his head, a little frustrated. "What?!"

"Nothing!" Then they all laughed.

"Hey Skipper!" A couple of lion cubs ran up to him.

"What?" ´Good thing I only have to do this once.´ He thought annoyed.

"Helen wants to know if she can go as you to Halloween!" A cub asked, with brown speckles on his nose so it looked like he had freckles.

"oh really?" The penguin said.

A shy, young cub nodded, looking at him with big green eyes.

"Why? Am I that ugly?" He joked and immediately got a "YEESSS!" from all the other kids.

"N-no, I think you´re pretty c-cool." Helen said quietly.

"Thank you Helen." He smiled and patted her head. She grinned back, showing off her pink gums.

Then a polar bear cub ran up shouting, "BEEEEP BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEEEP! BEEEEP BEEEEEP! BEEEEP BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEP!"

Skipper blinked confused, before having to jump out of the way as a few lion cubs chased the polar bear, yelling something about him not saying mean stuff to them all the time.

The white cup shouted back in high pitched, broken English: "I waz takking to ´im!" and pointed to Skipper.

"You shouldn´t be mean to anyone." Liola said kindly.

The polar bear stuck out his tongue and went back to beep-talking to the other kids.

"Sorry, Skipper they´re a bit hyper after school." Liola said, with a small smile.

"You don´t say!" Skipper yelled as he went under a herd of cubs tackling him shouting, "PLAY FOOTBALL WITH US!"

**60) ****Upload a video of him from when he was acting like a girl on youtube:**

Later that evening, Maxwell and Skipper were sitting on the zoo´s office´s computer, hacking into the system.

A rumor of a UFO sighting over New York had spread around. The video had been uploaded on YouTube so of course they had to check it out.

They found the video immediately and clicked on it.

The first few minutes of the film were nothing, then suddenly a flash of white illuminated the sky, followed by trails of green and purple, like a shooting star gone wrong. The two in the video gasped and yelled something about "UFOS!" and "They´re going to suck our brains out!".

"Fake." Skipper said in disgust. "Totally fake."

"Yeah, how on earth did they know when and where to film this UFO sighting?"

Skipper moved the cursor over to the red X, when Maxwell stopped him.

"Hey look, there!" He pointed to a suggested video. "It says, ´For my dear penguin brother Skipper´."

"That doesn´t sound good." He clicked it.

Soft classic music played as pink letters rolled across the screen.

_Made for my dearest brother, Skipper the penguin…he´s one special talent and I´ve decided not to let it go to waste…enjoy! :)_

Then his humiliation started. Skipper dancing in a pink tutu, Skipper in the coconut bra, Skipper walking through the door with Private holding it open, Skipper and Rico about to chest bump, then reconsidering and doing a low five instead, Skipper trying to put lip-stick on his beak, Skipper batting his eyelashes, Skipper dancing with pink ribbons, Skipper, Skipper, Skipper. Acting like a girl.

All because of Kowalski´s gender determination machine stopped working.

Maxwell was laughing hysterically ever since the video started and the rest of the video did nothing to help him. He doubled over from the lack of air, while Skipper glared at him.

"Shut up, it´s not funny." Skipper said and left a hateful comment on his sister Alexis´ video. He shut the computer down and turned toward Maxwell.

"Let´s just go…" He growled, dragging his still cackling friend out of the room.

Worse, next morning, upon checking the computer, a young employee found the video and posted it all over Facebook and Twitter. Soon, it had up to forty-million views on YT. xP

**61) ****Take his coffee mug saying: "I'll clean it for you" and then spit into it and wipe with your tail/sleeve/flipper:**

What had started as a peaceful lunch turned into an awkward situation. Skipper made a face as he spat out some sand. A harsh, strong wind had blown filth and straw from a nearby gorilla habitat into the direction where Skipper was enjoying a quiet lunch.

Thankfully, his lunch packet had been already eaten, but his coffee cup was full of dirt.

He was shaking some soil off his feathers when he heard footsteps behind him.

Skipper turned and was greeted by a penguin, a little taller than him.

"Hey."

"Hello…" the commanding officer automatically tensed. He scanned the stranger in front of him. But when no visible danger showed, he relaxed.

"You´re the new guy, aren´t you?" The penguin sat down against the tree Skipper had been resting under.

"Yes…" Skipper gave him quick smile before frowning at his cup. He rubbed his flipper against it, trying to scrape off the dirt.

"I´m Christian and welcome to Bronx."

Skipper shook his flipper then sat down next to him.

"I´m really liking it here in Bronx." He said.

"Yeah, the people are awesome here and it´s a beautiful place." The younger bird stood up.

"You know, we´re pretty big on hospitality here." Christian took the cup out of Skipper´s flippers. "Here, let me clean this for you."

"Thank you very much-holy fish!" He jumped back as Christian spat into his cup.

"WHAT are you doing?!" Skipper said, his stomach flipping at the sight.

"I´m cleaning your cup for you." Christian said happily and started wiping the sludge away.

Meanwhile, Skipper slapped himself. "Don´t freak out, don´t freak out, don´t freak out…"

"Here." Christian handed Skipper´s mug back to him. "All clean. If you need anything else, my home is just two habitats away."

The leader held the cup far away from him. "Sure...maybe I´ll stop by."

"Okay, see you!"

"Probably not…"

**A\N: Finally done with this chapter. I´ve been forcing myself to right even though I was like, "No, I want to watch videos!" XDD **

**Leave a review if you liked it, leave FIVE reviews if you don´t! Ha! XP **

**PS, Peggy, is Panda…if you haven´t caught that. xP**

**Thanks for all the authors who co-starred! **


	11. Chapter 11

**A\N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! X) Also, beware of 63, not everyone might like the short horror thing there. xP**

**Guest Stars:**

**Chey **_**(Cheycartoongirl8) (in her Irish Setter form)**_

**Elyon **_**(madagascarmaster´s OC)**_

**Panda **_**(SweetPanda12)**_

**Sneha (**_**Yang and Yin-Chan)(in her Kirby form)**_

**Also, I´ve never watched Twilight, so I´m just guessing with Nr 65. XP**

**-88-**

**62) Pretend you´re sleepwalking, go find Skipper and pour whipped cream over him and put some chocolate and sprinkles all over him. Proceed to lick. Pretend to wake up and go, "Oh you´re not an ice cream…"**

"_Jean, you don´t have to do this!" Her voice trembled with fear and she choked on her tears. Her recently-turned-into-a-psycho-killer ex boyfriend slowly sauntered over to the kitchen. Every step echoed through the empty apartment room and signed her death-certificate. A long, extra slow __**crrrreeeaaaaakkk**__ of the kitchen drawer made the hostage look up. _

_What she saw enough to send her into another fit of hysterics. Jean was holding her prized cooking knife. His green-gray eyes glistened evilly in the glow of the street lamps. _

_He moved closer, faster this time. Saundra started screaming, her fear having reached its final level. She cowered before the towering figure, her eyes closed._

"_Shut the f-k up!" Jean shouted and stabbed her with the knife just as the screen went black. The screaming went on, till it finally died down into a dying, gurgling sound. _

_A final thump was heard, followed by the television screen brightening up again. Jean was on the phone, his hands full of blood. The bloody knife lay beside him, waiting patiently for him to finish hooking up with the next girl, his next victim…_

Skipper turned the TV off and took a deep breath before burying his face in the pillow. His eyes burned from the bright screen and he was exhausted.

He was starting to have insomnia, and it was driving him crazy. Scaring himself senseless wasn´t helping much either.

´Maybe I need to walk around a bit and move my feet.´ Skipper thought, getting out of bed.

Bronx was quiet and peaceful, just the way it should be, without gorillas raiding the zoo storage room for a midnight snack or Julian to pop in and watch TV in their HQ.

But then again, it was almost too quiet. Skipper almost missed the feeling of always being on guard, jumping at every sound and checking out unidentified screams at 2 am.

The leader walked into the kitchen, staring outside the small window. It was a spooky scene, the street lamps shedding a dim shine across the grass and shadows moving around suspiciously.

Skipper filled a glass with water and leaned back against the counter, feeling weariness slowly fading in…

Until the door opened.

His closing eyes snapped open and he looked around, now fully awake.

The door creaked quietly as someone unknown entered the room.

Skipper tensed into a fighting position. He remembered the movie he watched before…no, it couldn´t be. Jean only went after girls and the movie never said if he was bisexual and therefore might kill guys too.

The door still stood open, no one had come in yet. Maybe they were waiting for something.

The penguin took a step forward and then the door closed all of the sudden.

A small silhouette started walking over, mumbling.

"Ice cream…ice cream…"

Was it a kid sleepwalking?

Skipper lit a match and squinted in the dim light.

Then he jumped back. He knew this person.

"Panda!" He snapped. "What are you doing?!"

Panda didn´t respond, just walked past him.

Then she did something even stranger. Opening cupboards, she took out whipped cream, chocolate and sugar sprinkles and walked back to Skipper, who was not amused.

"Panda! Wake up! What the fish are you doing?"

"Ice cream…" She shook the bottle of whipped cream and proceeded to squirt it all over her kitchen-roommate.

Skipper was too surprised to speak. He opened his beak to stop her, but got a load of whipped cream shot right into his beak.

"Now sprinkles…" Panda whispered in her sleep. She screwed the lid off the sprinkles´ bottles and poured a handful from each candy set on the penguin´s flat head.

Then a happy smile appeared on the girl and before Skipper could brace himself, she grabbed his shoulders and began licking the candy and cream off his feathers.

"PANDA!" Skipper shouted, forgetting about being quiet.

Panda´s glassy eyes cleared and she blinked around in confusement. "Wh-what?"

"Skipper, I know you have insomnia, but screaming won´t-" Maxwell stopped to stare at the unusual sight of a girl holding a cream covered Skipper.

"What in the world…?"

"What are you doing here? I was making ice cream." Panda said, then she noticed Skipper for the first time. "Oh, you´re not ice cream."

"Really?" The other replied dryly.

"What are you doing here anyway? I haven´t seen you around the zoo." Maxwell asked Panda.

"A friend and I came here to visit Christian, a friend of ours."

"I´m going to wash this off." Skipper walked to the bathroom.

"Go back home. Next time, lock your door so it won´t happen again." Max said, and held the door open to Panda who walked out, still a little confused.

"Panda! Where have you been off to in…four in the morning?" A sleepy voice said from the bedroom. An Irish Setter stumbled out, eyes narrowed from sleepiness.

"Sorry, Chey, I must´ve been sleepwalking."

Chey looked at the clock, then back at Panda. "If you wanted to annoy Skipper, you could´ve just waited evening or something."

"No, I was _really_ sleepwalking. I think maybe I was so excited about annoying Skipper that my unconscious mind actually made me do it in my sleep."

Chey stared at her for a couple of seconds before saying, "Whenever you watch a horror movie at night, prepare to sleep alone. And in locked room."

**63) While he´s waddling, walk next to him, dramatically singing the song the Stars Wars movies always play when Darth Vader is walking around:**

After the terrible insomnia night from yesterday, all Skipper wanted to do is take a long walk in the fresh morning air.

Not many animals were up yet, but a few were already stretching to rid the remaining sleep or walking around too.

The sun was warm, quickly ridding the grass of their dew drops.

Skipper enjoyed the fresh start in the day, though he had a feeling something was going to go wrong.

It was this kind of special moments that would always be ruined by some annoying author or zooster back home.

As if on cue, someone started humming behind him.

Skipper looked back, seeing a group of kids walking behind him, all humming a Star Wars soundtrack.

"What are you doing?"

They didn´t respond, just stared back at him.

Skipper groaned and continued walking, a whole pile of kids following him, all singing the soundtrack of Darth Vader.

-88-

It´s been ten minutes, and the kids still hadn´t gotten bored yet.

Skipper tried asking them to leave, (all he got was, "Please don´t kill us, Vader!" with some snickers), asking for help (the other animals didn´t take him seriously) and walking faster.  
So he was stuck with a herd of singing Bronxers.

The kids thought it was hilarious and began singing other stuff too.

Finally, Skipper though of an idea. He turned around to the kids and said with a crazy smile, "I´m going to go eat some baby squirrels out in the park, you kids want to join?"

That did the trick.

**64) Force him to watch Twilight with you. Then go on and on about those "way-too-sparkly vampires" (no offense to Twilight fans x):**

It was a bit weird Chey would call him up for help in the middle of the night, but Skipper decided not to question it and go. She might need him to fix something in the habitat where she was staying with Panda.

He knocked tiredly on the door, stepping back when it opened.

"Skipper, nice for you to join the party!" Chey said.

"What´s the matter? I haven´t got all night."

"That´s a shame, cuz Panda and I going to watch Twilight…you want to watch with us?"

"No, I-" Skipper started.

"Great! Come on!" She dragged him into the living room.

"Hi Skippy." Panda said.

The TV was already on the film menu, waiting to be watched.

A whole bunker of pillows lay on the floor.

Chey led him into a room.

"I´m going back to sleep." He said, pushing past her.

Chey only picked him up by the scruff of his neck like a naughty puppy and carried him to the living room.

"No, you´re staying here."

Due to his awkwardness of being lifted in the air by his neck by a dog, he didn´t respond.

´So here I am, trapped between a girl, a dog and too many pillows.´ Skipper thought bitterly. ´With no way to escape. My life sucks.´

_-Later that hour- _

"Another vampire died." Chey pointed out.

"I never would´ve guessed." Skipper shot back as the scream sounded out into the dark room.

"Oh come on! No one dies like that!"

"Apparently vampires do." Panda said.

"This isn´t a light show, vampy, this is war! So stop shining already and go!"

Skipper buried his face into his pillow. "Why meeee? I´m just a simple agent slash spy slash commanding officer of Manhattan! I didn´t do anything to deserve this torturreeeee! Somebody help!"

**65) Play loud music**

**And**

**66) When he gets mad, go: "Aww, is it your time of the month?"**

´This is the worst week of my life.´ Skipper thought as he climbed into his bed. With his insomnia, late night ´missions´ and busy days, he hadn´t gotten much sleep but this Friday night was peaceful and promising.

And he was ready to kill anybody who interrupted his blissful sleep.

He nodded off and dreamt about defeating Dr Blowhole in a solo mission.

They were caught in the blaze of the battle when suddenly a lobster came up and turned on the music. Skipper and Blowhole both stared at each other before the crazy dolphin lowered his weapon and started dancing with his minions.

Skipper had no idea what woke him up, the crazy dream or the loud music. Possibly both.

Speaking of the music, it was SO LOUD! Making sleep therefore…you guessed it, IMPOSSIBLE!

Another night without sleep. Skipper was pretty mad right now.

He had come to Bronx to relax and not to deal with even more problems than he had to in the CPZ.

So he set out to find this noise maker and bring him to justice.

The music sung from the far end of the Bronx Zoo, in a little dark corner with a little dark habitat and a little lit house.

Except that the little dark habitat was decorated with candles and party lamps. Skipper jumped over the fence and slid over to the door, knocking on it.

A girl opened. She was covered in confetti and wore a panda mask over her head, which hid her face, but not her peach Kirby form.

"Hey! It´s the new guy!"

Skipper studied her for a couple of seconds, before grabbing the mask and taking it off.

He expected to see the familiar face of Sneha, a Kirby that often hangs around the zoo, but instead he saw a totally different face, long black hair instead of curly short and green eyes instead of white ones.

"You´re not Sneha. Who are you?" Skipper asked, actually not bothering with the answers.

"First, can I have my mask back?" She grabbed it and put it back on. "Second, what do you want, Slipper?"

"It´s Skipper. Could you please turn down the music? I´m trying to sleep."

The girl thought about it for a moment, before shaking her head. "Nope, good night."

She shut the door. Skipper glared at the hard wood before banging his fist against the ancient Greek markings carved in the door.

"Turn it down, other animals are trying to sleep here! This is not your zoo!" He shouted.

She opened again, with a harsh "what do you want now?!" but her voice hinted amusement.

It irritated Skipper. Why was everyone so crazy about making him angry?

"If you don´t shut off this noise right now, I´m going to do it myself. With a sledgehammer." He threatened.

The Kirby looked at him for a few seconds, before breaking into a sympathetic smile.

"Awww, I get it." She placed her paw on his shoulder. "Is it your time of the month? Is that why you´re so pissy at everything?"

"Uggggghhhhhh! Why won´t you just- Ugh! Goodnight!" Skipper pushed her away from him and slid home.

His head gave him a massive migraine, but he shut it all out with sleeping pills and buried his head into his pillows.

´Everyone has gone mad.´ He thought to himself as he slowly drifted into an artificial sleep. ´Everyone's turned against me. They won´t to break me. I won´t let them!´

-#-

Meanwhile, back at the other habitat, Sneha changed her appearance back to normal. She just pointed to her head and her hair shrunk and curled itself while her eyes went back to white.

Being a daughter of Hecate sure has its advantages, even if it´s just for driving a penguin crazy.

**67) Tell him that you have just discovered he is Dr. Blowhole´s son:**

"Skipper! Another phone call for you!" Maxwell called out into the garden.

Skipper was working out to maintain his shape. Normally he did that with the boys to keep up with all the missions they have.

´I kinda miss those knuckleheads…" He thought, finishing his last push-ups.

"Coming!" He walked into the living room and took the phone from Max.

"Hello?"

"Skipper." It was Kowalski, though he sounded rather depressed, a rare tone especially since he and Doris are together again.

"What´s wrong, soldier?"

"I-I need to tell you something." He sighed.

´Uh-oh.´ Skipper thought. "What is it?"

"W-well, I was comparing files from our old mission, when this terrible thought crossed my mind. I hacked into the zoo´s computer and did a little bit of research about your parents."

"What did you find out?" Skipper felt like he should be defensive when talking about his parents. It was just an automatic feeling he had.

"Sk-Skipper…you are…no, it´s too terrible to be true."

"What´s is it?!" The penguin was losing his patience. He felt Maxwell and Liola´s curious glances on him, but ignored them. Why couldn´t his lieutenant just give a straight report?

"Blowhole…he…I…according to the PenguinSearch, you´re his son."

Shock ran through Skipper for a moment. PenguinSearch never lied! Was it true? Was he really Blowhole´s son…?

Then he remembered why he left the Central Park Zoo in the first place.

"Kowalski…" he growled into the phone. "What kind of joke is this?"

"Skipper, it´s true!" Private said from the background.

The officer didn´t even listen anymore. He slammed the receiver down and marched out of the room.

(LOL perfect fanfic idea. XP)

**68) Throw a mud cake at him:**

To pass his free time, Skipper helped Liola in the garden or-and he and Maxwell went to other habitats to fix something or rebuild.

So as it got warmer, a lot of the zoosters wanted help with their gardens.

So the two friends spent a lot of time hauling seeds and dirt around, making gardens behind the animal´s houses, out of sight of the humans and working in the fresh spring air.

They got a request from a zooster one day, about two habitats over from Maxwell´s.

"So, who are we helping?" Skipper asked, as they walked, loaded with their equipment, to the garden.

"Elyon. She´s a hybrid between otter and lemur. She´s very nice, just a bit shy." Maxwell said.

When they got there, Elyon was already waiting for them with a shovel.

"Hey Elyon, this is Skipper." Max introduced them.

"Hi. Thought I might help you dig." The electric blue eyed hybrid said.

They went over the other side of the habitat, where Elyon told them her plan.

"I want a pond right about here." She tapped the dirt with the tip of her spade. "Just a small one, not too deep. I want to put in some water plants or keep pets."

After measuring the width and depth of the pond, they took the shovels and started digging.

"Isn´t this world weird?" Skipper said. "Animals having pets?"

Elyon shrugged. "I was actually thinking of fish or frogs."

"Or maybe penguins? They´re water animals." Maxwell joked.

"I have three more team mates back home, you could buy one from there." Skipper said, also grinning.

"I´ll take Private!" The girl blurted out, then looked away as Skipper turned around and stared at her. "How do you know Private?"

"Uh…well, I actually live with Marlene the otter in the Central Park Zoo. I´m just habitat-sitting for a friend. " She said, trying to hide her blush from the previous comment.

Skipper examined her more closely before recognition set in. "Yeah, I saw you in the zoo. You´re the girl who put that snake in her bed, right?"

"Yeah, that was me." Elyon said, laughing.

Maxwell got a wheelbarrow and started filling the extra dirt into it. "What happened when Marlene found the snake?"

Skipper grinned shoveling up another shovelful of dirt. "We could hear her screaming from the other side of the park. I think it scared most visitors away."

"That was fun." Elyon dug her shovel into the soft earth and swung the load over her shoulder, hitting Skipper full in the face.

Maxwell cracked up while Skipper spat out clumps of mud. "Elyon!"

"I´m so sorry!" The hybrid faked shock and rushed over to help him clean the mud off his feathers. "Sorry, Skipper, I didn´t see you there!"

"It´s okay." He assured her and removed grass of his chest feathers. "Just be careful next time."

Elyon quietly went back to her shoveling.

"Shut up Max, it wasn´t that funny." Skipper said, glancing back annoyed at his former team mate, who was still chuckling.

Maxwell inhaled strongly before letting it out in an attempt to calm himself. "Okay, okay, I´m sorry." He bit his lip and tried to focus back on digging.

Skipper rolled his eyes and went back to his own burrowing. Maxwell was always like that. He could never be serious, that´s why he sucked at pranks. He would start laughing before the joke was even out.

(so whenever you see a weasel laughing at you, beware of your next move ;)

It had gone awkwardly quiet, so Skipper decided to start a pleasant conversation.

"So, Elyon-"

_**SPLAT!**_Another load of sweet smelling earth found its way into his half open beak. Again.

And once again Maxwell started laughing. Only this time Elyon was laughing with him.

"Guys! Not funny!" Skipper shouted annoyed over their giggling. He loaded his shovel and aimed for Maxwell, then re-considered and threw it at Elyon.

In less than five seconds, all hell broke loose.

Mud piles flew from left to right, from right to left and their yelling could be heard all over Bronx.

It was pretty fun. Until Elyon accidently hit Skipper on the head with her shovel and knocked him out.

Maxwell was practically dying while Elyon freaked out and tossed buckets of water over Skipper, trying to get him to wake up.

And that´s the story of how Elyon almost didn´t get her pond.

**A\N: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! :D Leave a review if you did.**

**:))**

**For all Pewdiepie fans out there: WE GOT SIX MILLION BROS! LET´S GET TO SEVEN! :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**A\N: Hey everyone! X) Sorry for the delay, but I had some problems and this chapter was hard to write then. That´s why it´s not as long as I planned it to be.**

**Guest Stars:**

**Christian **_**(Christ´s Disciple)**_

**Dr. Daninesix **_**(DarkAngel96)**_

**-88-**

**69) ****Walk up to him looking down sadly at a piece of paper you're holding in your hand. Look up at him, wave the piece of paper in his face and say in a sad voice: "I knew it… I didn't want to believe it, but all this time I knew…" **

**He'll probably believe you've read some weird gossip about him and probably deny – stare at him oddly and say: "It's true! This piece of paper isn't recyclable!"**

"Skipper!" Said penguin straightened up and dropped the hand pliers he was working with. Some weeds kept getting into Liola´s garden and they´ve become too strong to be pulled out by flipper. Maxwell walked up to him.

"Liola wanted to talk you."

"Huh, what about?"

"I think it´s better she told you herself." He gave the penguin an encouraging half smile and walked away.

Skipper slowly walked up to the small hut, pondering over what could´ve happened. Did something happen back home? Maybe Dr. Blowhole attacked the zoo while he was gone! How could he have been so stupid? Of course his foes would take his leaving to their advantage.

Skipper hurried inside, sliding on his belly to get in faster.

Liola was sitting at the dinner table, staring sadly down on piece of paper.

"Liola! What happened?"

The penguin leader was next to her in a flash, panic now evident, especially when he saw that lone tear roll down the flamingo's white cheek.

"Oh Skipper," She sighed. "I got this piece of paper in our mailbox today…and well…I didn´t want to believe it at first, but there´s now trying to deny it now…" Liola buried her face into the hard wood of the table, leaving Skipper to stare at the letter folded neatly in front of her.

A horrible suspicion crept into the penguin´s mind. What if…no, it couldn´t be.

That was too long ago, he couldn´t have actually sent those letters like he´d threatened he would…

-Flashback-

_Skipper jumped up and kicked Hans in the chest, causing the puffin to stumble and fall back onto the moist, hard floor of the tunnel._

_He unhooked the fish sword from his belt and laid the tip on his arch foe´s chest. "You´ve lost big time! You´re going to prison, you filthy scumbag!"_

_Hans´ shocked expression slowly melted into a pure evil one. "Ahaha, Skipper…you poor naïve rookie…" the Dane laughed. "Did you really think that I wouldn´t have thought this through? You see, this sandwich scandal was only the beginning. My real plan actually more devious than you could imagine!"_

_Skipper´s triumphant look wavered and lowered his weapon. He knit his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"_

_Hans laughed again as he stood up. "You think I actually like sandwiches? No! I hate them! I hate them like I hate your guts!" _

_Skipper´s flipper shot to his side. He glared at the puffin, his fish no longer directed at his foe. "What do you have against sandwiches? They are the best snacks made by humans next to anchovy pizza and burgers!"_

_Hans rolled his eyes. "You and your anchovies! The world of pizza is bigger than those pathetic anchovy pizzas you penguins eat! Anyway, after you almost killed me last week by the docks, I snuck into the main nest of your army´s team. There, I found a computer and started typing a little ´gossip´ about you. It´s not much, just a journal intro about how a certain Skipper Alfred Fishbones planned to poison thousands of animals and humans with the foul sandwiches!_

_Skipper stepped back, fear and shock clearly written over his face. "Th-they´ll never believe you!"_

"_Not at first maybe, but when they trace it back to your computer, they will! So, Skipper my friend, you´re going down! Moments ago you were laughing, now it´s me! The one who laughs last, laughs the loudest! HAHA!_

-End of Flashback-

"NO! IT´S NOT TRUE!" Skipper ripped the paper out of Liola´s hands and began shredding them to pieces. "Not true! It´s all a lie! He betrayed me! It was him!"

With raised eyebrows, Liola sat there and watched him tear up the zoo´s doctor´s pay check.

Skipper threw the pieces down on the floor, then joined them there moments later, his flippers covering his face. "It wasn´t me…I swear…it was all a lie…"

"Skipper, dear." The flamingo knelt down next to her friend.

"Huh?" He looked up with red, puffy eyes. "What?"

"I have no idea what you´re crying about, but I´m almost certain we´re not crying for the same reasons. You see, this zoo´s trash cans only accept recyclable papers…and this letter from my grandmother wasn´t recyclable."

"…"

**70) Call him a chicken:**

**And**

**71) Leave disgusting and rotten things near him. Insist it´s the "Aromatherapy"**

What´s the worst thing that could happen to you while you´re on vacation? You get sick. You´re relaxing in the garden or in the pool and suddenly feel a flu crawling up and tapping your shoulder. Then you spent the rest of the holiday in bed, eating chicken soup and taking pills.

It was just a little headache and some vomiting, but Liola insisted Skipper should stay in bed for a few days. Being a penguin of action, he wasn´t too excited about sitting around and doing nothing but drinking herbal tea, but what can he do?

When his virus got worse, Maxwell got sent to get a (animal, not human) doctor. He came back a few minutes later with a penguin nurse.

"I got a doctor, Liola, just like you asked!" Maxwell called.

"Great!" The albino led the nurse into the penguin´s room.

"For the last time! I´m fine, I don´t need medical help!" Skipper protested as Liola eased him into his bed.

"Don´t worry, sir, this is a quick and painless procedure." Dr. Daninesix said, unzipping her big, black bag.

10-…-01

When they were gone, Liola turned to Maxwell.

"Who the heck was that? I´ve never seen her around the zoo!"

"I don´t know. She said she studied medics so I asked her if she could fix up my friend Skipper. That´s it."

Liola leaned in. "What if she´s a serial killer, looking for new victims to cut up?" She whispered.

Maxwell stared at the door for a couple of seconds then shrugged. "Then it was nice knowing him."

-88-

"My name is Dr Daninesix. What´s the problem?" The girl started to rummage through her knapsack.

"Uhm…nothing much, I just had headaches and been vomiting a lot…are you going to use…needles?" Skipper asked fearfully.

Dr Daninesix gave him a look from behind her huge bag. "What do I look like, a monster?"

She didn´t give him time to answer. She just pulled out a large plastic bag filled with stuff that looked like a bloody dog´s corpse someone left in the dryer and opened it up.

Immediately, a nauseas wave of smell filled the room.

Skipper gagged and covered his nostrils. "What is that?!"

"My special treatment for sick chickens," the doctor said. "I call it the "´Aromatherapy´."

"That´s disgusting!" Skipper complained, then realized what she said. "Chickens?"

The girl ignored him and started looking through a medical book.

"Let´s see…_keep waterers and feeders full_."

The doctor pressed a bag of sunflower seeds and a Coca Cola drink into Skipper´s flippers and scribbled something into the book.

"Check…_make sure the water is clean…_" After opening the coke bottle and pouring two tablespoons of chlorine into it, the girl checked off that part too.

"Make sure they all look active, healthy and bright." Dr Daninesix walked around Skipper, before grabbing a sledgehammer from her bag. "Let´s check the reflexes first!"

Skipper jumped down from his bed. "NO!"

"Active, check. Healthy…" The penguin put her book down and studied Skipper´s face. He looked tired, despite his paranoid glare. His feathers were ruffled and light shivers shook his body. She nodded approvingly.

"…Check! One more! Does he look bright? Nope, but we can change that!" The doctor said happily and went back to her bag of doom once.

By now Skipper was terrified about what she was going to pull out next.

"There," Dr. Daninesix walked over and put a graduation cap on his head and gave him a scroll. "Now you look much brighter than before."

Skipper jumped up and stuffed everything back into the bag. "Out!" He said, shoving the bag into her hands.

"Get out, I don´t need a psychopath doctor trying to help me. Out of my room!"

"FINE!" Dr Daninesix marched past him, her anger evident in her face. "Fine! Go ahead and die like the poultry next door did! I don´t care! And if you come back to me, begging for another chance, I´ll say, ´NO!´" She slammed the door shut.

Skipper grabbed a couple of aspirins from a cupboard in the kitchen and went to bed, his flu worse than before.

**72) Buy him a "I heart Denmark" shirt**

**And **

**73) Call him a flathead**

**And**

**74) Throw water balloons at Skipper that are filled with paint: **

All good things must come to an end and unfortunately, vacations too. Skipper had really enjoyed himself at Bronx, but wanted to go back to his home. He missed his team, Marlene and yes, he even missed that crazy son of a dolphin, Julian. (Plus he still strongly suspected that his bottle nosed arch enemy has them all as hostages.

There had been a big goodbye party from all the zoo animals that knew him, but at the day he left, only Liola, Maxwell and Christian guided him to the gates for the final goodbye.

They all stood in front of the gates, the zoo closed due to a holiday.

"Well, everything´s ready." Skipper broke the uncomfortable silence. "Thanks for letting me stay at your house, Maxwell."

"Hey, no problem, man. Come back any time you like." Maxwell saluted him, but Skipper still shook his paw.

"Goodbye, Skipper and hopefully things will get better back home. I know you have a lot of stress with missions and everything." Liola said.

"Yeah…it´s not really that what gives me stress…" Skipper´s head began to fill itself with seconds thoughts about leaving when he remembered all those supposedly funny pranks back home.

"Anyway, come back anytime you like. And bring that team of yours for a visit."

"Sure…" Skipper loaded his back onto his shoulder and turned to the last member of the group.

Christian stepped forward and gave him a hug. "We should´ve really spent more time together. Maybe I´ll write you a postcard or visit you sometime."

"Sure, Christian," Skipper replied. "That would be great."

"Oh, and I bought you a little gift! Here, so you´ll remember me by it!" Christian gave him a folded shirt. When the leader unfolded it, he was greeted by a Danish flag´s design and the words in big black letters: "I heart Denmark" with a red heart to decorate it.

Skipper lowered it and stared at Christian for a couple of seconds before asking, "Where did you get this shirt?!"

"I bought it when I worked in with the Danish police a couple of years ago."

Skipper´s deep blue eyes widened and panic gripped his chest like an iron hand. Then he forced himself to relax and put on a smile. "Thanks, Christian…I love your gift."

"I thought so!" The penguin beamed.

"Well, I have to get going. Thanks guys for everything!"

Skipper hugged and shook hands with his friends for the last time, then he started walking. About a car length´s away, he heard Maxwell yell, "Hey flathead!"

The officer turned around, ready to yell back at the weasel for calling him a flathead (one of his most hated nicknames), when a rainbow exploded in his face and he got knocked backward by the force of it. Moments later, he heard Maxwell gasping for breath as he rolled around on the ground, laughing.

Liola laughed a bit too, but then went to scolding her boyfriend.

"I´ll get you for that later!" Skipper shouted at the still cackling mammal, before continuing on with his journey with a stinging face and a big smile.

A\N: Thanks for waiting, reading and reviewing! Bye!

Ps, if anyone didn´t get the thing with Hans and the sandwiches, it´s in "Skipper makes Perfect", the episode.


	13. Chapter 13

A\N: Nothing important to say here. X)

**Guest Star:**

**75) Replace his food with fish crackers:**

It was around one o´clock am when Skipper finally arrived home. He was hungry and muddy, (he ran into some problems on the way home) and just wanted to sleep.

Apparently, some of the animals had gotten a message that he would be returning home. Marlene, the team, Mort and Maurice were all waiting for him at the gate, half asleep from the long wait. Despite feeling hungry and tired, Skipper felt a warm feeling of happiness spreading through him. They could´ve been in their cool habitats right now, but instead choose to stay up and wait for Skipper in the stuffy heat of the night.

"Hey…guys…" He whispered loudly to wake them up as he pushed the zoo´s gate open. He didn´t need to, the creaking of the door jerked everyone out of their nap.

"Skippah!" Private cried, jumping up and running over to hug his leader, Marlene close behind him.

The leader stumbled back as both the otter and the rookie smothered him with their welcomes. He caught his footing and hugged them both back.

"Skipper, we´re so glad you´re back! We missed you so much!" Marlene said her bright eyes smiling back at him.

"I missed you too, Marlene…and team!" The penguin straightened up, pulling his eyes away from hers. "What did you three knuckleheads do without me?"

"We did everything you would have wanted us to do." Kowalski said humbly, but Skipper´s eyes narrowed in mock suspicion.

"Oh really, Kowalski? Then let´s have a look in your lab, shall we?"

Upon the look of slight horror, Skipper laughed.

"Relax, I´m not going to go anywhere expect to sleep. I´m so tired, I´ll sleep like a rock tonight." To that, his stomach rumbled. "Oh yeah, not before I get something to eat…um, you guys wouldn´t happen to have anything edible with you, would you?"

"Actually," Private said. "We do."

"Great!" Their leader smiled.

Rico started hacking till he choked up something gray and fish shaped.

At first Skipper took it to be a fresh fish; juicy and slight sweet flesh and a salty crusted skin and grabbed it.

However, when he looked closer, he realized he was staring at a dry, tasteless fish cracker.

For a couple of seconds, he felt a tinge of annoyance in the pit of his stomach, before he looked up and smirked.

"It´s good to be back."

**76) Give him decaf in the morning**

**And**

**77) Write "I LOVE MARLENE" on his chest when he´s asleep:**

"Good morning, Skippah!" Private greeted his leader, as the penguin dragged himself out of bed and to the stone table.

He had been so tired from the journey back home that he had collapsed into bed the moment they´ve come home. He had fallen asleep even before his head reached the pillow.

Five hours of sleep didn´t do him much good thought, it seemed.

"Sir, if you´re so tired, maybe we can take the day off and rest?" Private suggested, concern in his voice.

"N-n-negative." Skipper yawned. "We have to…continue with our duty." He took a moment to stretch, before going on. "Do you think Dr. Blowhole is going to wait until I´m done with my beauty nap before he attacks?…No, so we will train today…"

"Yes sir. Do you want some coffee?"

"That would be great, Private." The lead penguin put his head on the table and closed his eyes. When Private put the coffee cup next to him, it took him a while to gather enough energy to lift his head and grab the cup.

He gulped it up and waited for the caffeine to take effect. For a moment, the warm liquid took effect, giving him enough energy to stand up.

"Okay, let´s go."

They scrambled up the ladder, Rico first and Skipper last.

"So what are we doing today, Skippah?" Private asked. No response. "Skippah?"

"Ughhh…" They all turned back to the fishbowl to see their leader halfway up the ladder, clutching his head.

"Sir, are you okay?" Kowalski asked, worried.

""Y-yes, I´m alright…" Which was a lie, since Skipper felt like he was going to fall off the ladder any second. The coffee didn´t do its job, it seemed. He was still exhausted. Very, very exhausted. But seeing his team looking down at him, Skipper forced himself to shake it off and took another step forward.

**Thump.**

"Skippa!" Rico jumped down the entrance, landing next to his collapsed leader.

"Is he alright? He´s alright, isn´t he Kowalski?" Private said.

The scientist knelt next to Skipper. "Yeah, he´s fine. Just sleeping soundly."

"I shouldn´t have given him the decaffed coffee! If he got hurt, it would be all my fault."

"Pull yourself together, Private. Now, let´s do the second part before someone comes in." Kowalski took out a permanent marker and started scribbling on Skipper´ s chest.

(-)

"Skipper? Skipper! Guys, do you know where Skipper is?" Marlene called to the other penguins, who were busy sunning themselves in front of Roy´s fence.

"He´s in the headquarters!" Private replied cheerfully, only to earn a slap from both Kowalski and Rico.

"Private! You can´t just go around telling Skipper´s locations to other people. For all we know, the ´Marlene´ we´re talking to," Kowalski made quotation marks, "could be her evil twin Arlene and she´s working for Dr. Blowhole!"

"Haha, very funny guys- OW!"

"Arlene!" Rico sprang up and shot gumballs out of his stomach, hitting Marlene.

"Ow, ow, OW! Rico, stop it! I´m not ´Arlene!´ Stop!" Before Rico unpacked the real weapons to finish off the ´evil twin´ for good, Marlene fled into the opposite direction. When she was out of sight, Rico sat down, satisfied and continued drinking his salmon smoothie.

(-)

"Stupid penguins." Marlene muttered angrily, climbing down the ladder to the HQ. "Hey Skipper!" She shouted at the snoozing penguin in his bunk. "Wake up and tell your crew to stop shooting gum-" She stopped dead when she saw him. Then blushed. Then walked closer.

He was lying on his back next to the TV, in a little sleeping bag. He was sound asleep and in big red letters, assisted with little hearts were the words, "I LOVE MARLENE!"

Even though she knew this was all just a part of the annoying Skipper, and he´s going to be annoyed as hell when he sees this, but still, somehow it did look very cute.

**78) Attach curse tags on him and say, "I am releasing you from the penguin curse and you will now become a lemur."**

**AND**

**79) Buy him a Dr. Blowhole mug:**

"Skipper, I have something to tell you."

caught up with the penguin, who was taking an evening patrol around the zoo with binoculars in one flipper.

Skipper turned around and glared at her. "Don´t talk to me, you traitor."

It´s not just her name that made Skipper so angry, it´s that (we´ll just say DBL) chooses the evil bottlenose over them.

"This is important, peng-u-in." She started rummaging around in a little plastic bag, before pulling out a stack of cards.

"What´s that?"

"Here, I have to put it on you for it to work."

"Get those away from me!" Skipper jumped back as DBL tried to stick a tag on his shoulder. "What are those?"

"Curse tags."

"What?" He jumped back again as she stepped forward.

"Stop running! I´m only- this is for your own good." DBL grabbed his flipper and pulled him toward her, whilst with the other hand sticking notes all over him.

"Let me go!" Skipper yanked back and started ripping the tags of him. DBL let him go and raised her arms in a theatrical way.

"I am now releasing you from the penguin curse you´ve been suffering under twenty-four years. By attaching these curse tags to you, I have freed you from your burden. You will transform into the creature you were born to be, the animal that lives deep inside you, waiting for this moment to come out."

Listening to this ridiculous speech, the penguin had paused with throwing the notes on the ground. But now he just rolled his eyes and continued tearing the cards off his feathers.

DBL dramatically took his flippers into her own hands, forcing him to stop. "Let the world arise and see this new creation that had once been an unfortunate penguin!"

"What do you mean, ´unfortunate penguin´?!"

"Let the world celebrate: Skipper the Ringtailed Lemur!"

"…"

"Come, let´s forget our differences for tonight and celebrate with fruits, bugs and champagne!" She pressed a large cup into his flipper.

Skipper noticed the picture on it. An evil smirking dolphin with a robotic eye and the pictures of drowning humans, enslaved penguins and an earth full of water behind him.

"What is that?" He said, throwing the cup on the ground.

"Don´t you like it?" DBL said, taking out a bottle of champagne. "I let the lobsters import this straight from Hong Kong! It wasn´t exactly cheap either."

"Ughh, you´re so annoying!" Skipper said. "I´m going back to the HQ." He marched off, but tripped over the mug. Growling, he picked it up and shoved it into DBL´s chest.

"Why don´t you just burn this and use the money for something else? Like getting a job or for a ticket to Zimbabwe? Anywhere that´s far, far away from here!"

**80) Run around the HQ and slam doors:**

_**BANG! **_**SLAM! **_**THUMP! **_

The noises had been going on for five minutes. Rico was moving around the headquarters slamming doors shut and Skipper hadn´t said a word, much less looked up from his coffee or report file.

It was starting to creep Kowalski and Private out, who every now and then nervously looked up from their silent card game, expecting Skipper to burst into another rage fit.

But the leader just sat there, pretending to be deaf while he wrote down their recent mission report.

_**SLAM! BANG!**_

Apparently knowing he was being ignored, Rico crushed another door into the door frame, louder than ever.

**CRASH! **_**CCRRAACCKK! **_

The door to the storage room shattered into jagged pieces.

Skipper looked up for a moment. Kowalski and Private held their breath. The officer, however, only gave a quick glimpse at the clock and wrote down the date plus time of the report.

Afterwards he stood up and walked into the direction of the slamming doors.

"Do you think we should do something?" Private said.

"No…unless we hear Skipper strangling Rico, I think we should stay here for now."

(-)

Meanwhile, Rico was getting bored. This had been fun at first, but nothing was happening. He´ll just slam one more shut, then go get something to eat and maybe explode some dynamites in the park.

He yanked open another door. Rico´s eyes widened and he had barely the time to react as Skipper gave the steel door a firm shove, slamming it shut in his face. Literally.

The other two penguins looked up when their leader entered the room, a satisfied smile on his face.

"Where´s Rico?" Private asked.

"Oh don´t worry, he´s a tough penguin." Skipper responded, going back to his work as Kowalski rushed out of the room in the direction Skipper had come from, Private right behind him.

**81) Wearing a black robe and holding a fake wand, jump out in front of him and shout, "Avada Kedavra!" When he stares at you, say, "Oh drat! My wand´s defective," and walk away:**

"Fifty two, fifty three, fifty four, fifty five,…"

Skipper placed each polished thimble into the collector´s cabinet. They belonged to his most prized possessions, those thimbles. He had started collecting them ever since he was a small chick all the way to his years of service in the army and he had fond memories of them all. As he placed a pretty painted thimble that he bought from a small little shop in Denmark back to its place, he failed to notice someone creeping up behind him.

The black hooded figure came closer and closer until-

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Skipper jumped, losing grip on his Danish thimble and stumbled forwards into his thimble collection. Thank goodness they were made out of metal or good, strong china, or else they, and the person who scared him, would´ve been a goner.

Speaking of the person who scared him, the penguin got up and faced the offender.

AT was standing in front of him, an olive-brown wand in her hand and a fake snake tattoo on her arm. She feigned confusion. "Why aren´t you dead?"

"What the fish, AT! What on earth are you doing? My thimbles collection! I- I just cleaned, polished and organized them and you come and scare me like that, and now look what you made me do! BTW; Harry Potter is a FICTION BOOK! DEATH EATERS ARE NOT REAL; HEXES ARE NOT REAL AND VOLDEMORT IS NOT REAL! Get a life!"

"No…I see the problem here…" AT studied her wand for a second before shaking her head. "It´s defective! Now I have to go to London and get _another_ one!" She walked out of the HQ.

Skipper shook his head and turned to his prized collection lying on the floor.

AT quickly poked her head back in. "Oh and Skippy, don´t go anywhere. Once I get a new wand, I want to try the Cruciatus curse on you!"

The penguin turned and threw thimble at her.

A\N: Review please! And if you have anything to criticize, please do! I want to get better in writing!


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